Recently I've had a few sick days, which has allowed me to do a lot of reading. When I wasn't napping that is.
LB gave me a hefty stack of books on pregnancy, birth and motherhood that I've been going through.
Doing so has been a healing process for me. When I found out I was pregnant in May I became so overwhelmed by all the things I suddenly realized I didn't know. By the time I was getting to be happy and excited about the baby I found out I was losing him. I've looked at most of the books, skimming a lot and stopping to really read what is important to where I'm at now. I feel more prepared now that I at least know where to go if I have a question. Of course I wish I still were pregnant, but with the hand that's been dealt I can at least be grateful for the extra preparation time.
This is what I've learned:
Ina May is a bit of a crazy hippie but she has some good birth stories to share. Reading her books was a lot like going to a fundamentalist Bible study - many things impacted me and I agreed with, but there were also some things that I readily filtered out. (Ex: Not celebrating Halloween - fundamentalists, and being telepathic with other people - Ina May's hippies.)
I really, really, really don't want to do a hospital birth. I may not be ready for a home birth, but I think we'll do a birthing center. This opinion was formed after reading Baby Catcher - which is a great memoir by a Bay Area midwife.
Women's bodies are amazing.
I'm still terrified of the thought of such a huge head coming out of such a small hole.
Also, a lot of these books call women "goddesses" when they give birth. I understand what they mean, but I actually think it's even more amazing that we're human, not divine, and we hold life within us and then bring it forth to the world. We are not raised to something higher (divinity) - what we have been made is gorgeously good, awesome and to be revered. So we don't need to ascend. We already are at the top. Right there, co-creating with Almighty God. As humans.