That's why I am so grateful for the friends and family who have provided dinners for Travis and I and to my mom, who has spent the night and many days with me and Lydia. The more I sleep the better I feel and Mom's presence allows me to nap more.
For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was always a great babysitter - I cooked, cleaned and the kids loved me. So I thought that the whole SAHM thing would be easy for me. I pictured myself with a tidy home, dinner ready for Travis and happy children. (I also pictured myself thinner.)
Because I had the natural knack for mothering, and I feel it's my vocation, I thought this would be so much easier. I was duped. About a week ago, as I lay in bed, I thought to myself, "I don't remember praying for humility." But that is what I've gotten. My pride and dignity have gone out the window time and time again: milk soaking my shirts, poop all over, crying I cannot console, a boob poking out while I'm burping a fussy Lydia, and on top of it all I can't shower or brush my teeth until 11 usually. And when I'm low on sleep the crying is much more likely to not only begin, but continue for hours. (I'm talking about myself crying, not my daughter.)
It is amazing how such a tiny person can make me feel so unsure, incapable and frustrated.
But man, does it feel wonderful when she snuggles up to me.