January 18, 2009

please be warned, this is all about my vanity

Here are two pictures. The one was taken on a return visit to San Francisco the summer after I graduated from college. (Hi Suitey, if you're reading!) The second one was taken a week before I got married during a bachelorette weekend. (Yay for Hedda and Em!)

What these two pictures have in common is that when they were taken I thought I was fat, but now that I am actually fat I see that I was really a hottie.
Even with the huge zit on my cheek in the SF pic. And my lack of a waist in the second picture. Still, smokin'.

I'm writing this because, as I've already mentioned, I'm fat. I gained 50lbs with the pregnancy, lost 30 in the 2 months after L's birth and then slowly gained 10 back over the next 6 months. I felt a little better about myself when I learned over Christmas break that tired people can't lose weight. When you are seriously sleep deprived (which I have been for 4 months now) your body doesn't lose and in fact, to make up for your lack of energy, tells itself it's hungry. So I've been eating frequently, because I honestly did feel hungry, but it was really just my exhaustion.
But let me tell you something, even with a good reason like that, and knowledge that you were working out on a regular basis and eating somewhat sensibly, it's still depressing being fat. And having a closet full of clothing that doesn't look good on you any more because it's 2 sizes too small. And having a very limited amount of clothing that is not size 10 or M like it used to be.
Oh to be a size 10 again!!!!


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  2. I guess I should clarify; I do not think you're fat. :) I feel the same way as you, if only I could get rid of the weight and it would STAY off...

    To be a size 10 would be, oh...

  3. OH Bonnie. Sometimes I swear we are the same person! I gained way, WAY more than you did while pregnant, so don't feel so bad! And I also have been seriously sleep deprived since my wonderful daughter decided to stop sleeping so well. It's NOOOOO fun. We really really need to get together. Let's have a playdate this week, and we can chat and let the kids play...your place or mine? I'm free all week except Friday.

  4. Word. I feel your pain. Having kids just does it to you. BTW-I think you're beautiful. Have you seen the comercial about burning belly fat, well they say the #1 reason for belly fat is having kids. Too funny! I haven't been a size 10 since high school!