Last time I met with my spiritual director we talked about my relationship with the Person of Christ and I was told to continue to ponder it until we meet again. And here's why: I don't really have one. I used to, but not any more.
I'm sure this sounds horrible to hear from a self-proclaimed "devout Catholic", or maybe it proves everything you've ever thought about us Catholics. ;) Before I got married, though, I had a great relationship with Christ. I fully understood him as my Bridegroom and I was in love. Prayer was easy and Adoration was a joy - seeing Him face to Face. I read Song of Songs with Him in mind and every Mass was a reminder of the Wedding Feast of the Lamb. But then, well, I suppose He got replaced. (Doesn't that sound horrible?) Slowly we drifted away since I now had a Bridegroom in the flesh and I wasn't quite sure how to have that kind of relationship with two men. I'm still not sure.
Today in my life I revere Christ as Savior and King. I worship our Eucharistic Lord. I still see Him as a great comfort and I pray to be hidden within His wounds, the Fount of His Mercy. And I love Him in these ways, some of which are quite personal, yet as Friend, Lover, every day Companion there is something lacking.
But here's the thing, I actually feel like I have a great relationship with God the Father, and I'm quite drawn to God the Spirit. So the way I see it, I'm still doing okay with God. I think it's because at this point in my life I identify with Father more as motherhood has shown me how frustrating it must be to be God. Motherhood has made me understand Childhood. And I call on the Holy Spirit much more now than I ever have in the past.
So is this just a phase? Will I "return" to Christ as my Main Man?
And what about you? Have you noticed a similar change in your spiritual life? And do you have any tips or ideas for me?
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