At least for me they are.
See I refuse to even learn how to play poker because I'm not naturally good at card games and I hate feeling like an idiot as I try to learn. Messing up over and over again in front of a group of people makes my pride take over and I become frustrated and angry. In fact, I become angry if people decide to play the game at a party I'm attending because they are automatically being exclusive. (Even if really they're inclusive and I'm the one refusing to join.)
I'm like this about a lot of things - if I can't do it well then I'm just not going to do it. Video games, math, cutting a pineapple and basketball all fall in this category.
And even though I'm doing it, mothering babies happens to be in this category, too. All day long I just keep messing up as I try to figure out the best way of doing things. The crying and the whining seem to never stop, especially at nap time. I can't even breastfeed my baby without drowning him (literally). There are several moments of every day where I just want to throw in the towel, go back to work and send the kids to daycare - to the arms of someone who knows what she's doing. I feel like a failure at the one thing I ever wanted to do with my life, and I feel ridiculous for thinking I would be good at it.
And then, of course, there are the sections of the day that go well. I nurse Ben down for a long nap and then feed L a healthy lunch and read her books. Or we get out of the house without a meltdown or tantrum and we arrive at our destination only 5 minutes late. And always there is the fact that I want to be the one who teaches L the words to Old McDonald (you should hear her do the "e-i-e-i-o" part!) and who sees Ben roll over for the first time - not a babysitter.
The point of this post... The back and forth of my competency is exhausting and right now the former seems to be winning. But I'm pretty sure I can't give in because I'm much better with toddlers and children than I am with babies, and why work for just a very short time.
I'm going to start this with the ending and you can read the middle if you want: on Thursday the 11th our first born will be having open...
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