October 15, 2009

that guilty mom feeling

Many times throughout the day I let the swing "mother" Ben. I use it to hold him when I have to tend to L and to lull him to sleep when I've had enough. Of course I still hold him, bounce him and give him tummy time, but he spends a lot of time in the swing.

Right now he's in it, napping. I was trying to put him down myself but L was tired too, and that meant she was loud, whining, trying to climb on me and overall driving me crazy. So I finally just put him in the swing and tended to L. And as she fell asleep in my arms I watched him and felt bad that he gets set aside a lot for her because it makes my life easier.

It makes me feel a little bit better that I can identify that part of my guilt comes from all the attachment parenting reading I did with L. Too bad I agree with a lot of what they say, I just find that it stresses me out to try to practice it in my life.


  1. I always felt guilty about putting Avery in the swing, and she was the only one. You're not putting him in the swing for 8 hours though, and if it helps you keep your sanity for just a little bit, keep doing it. :)

    Thanks for posting all your pictures on FB. :)

  2. I actually put Abraham in his bed when he starts acting drowsy or tired. He doesn't cry and within a couple minutes is asleep. I did this with all my newborns from an early age so that they could learn to go to sleep on their own. I tend to NOT be into attachment parenting for the exact reason that you mentioned - it makes me so stressed out that I want to die. I need my kids to be just a bit self-sufficient. Just enough so that I am able to care for all of them as best as I can. I still cuddle, hold, read to, bathe, feed, talk, play with them all day long. I say you just have to do what is best for you and your kids. If it is working, then DO it. You are smart and educated and are a skilled mother so trust yourself and your parenting choices. Lydia and Bennet are VERY lucky to have you and Travis. Banish the guilt, beautiful Mama!!! You are doing a great job!

  3. That's why I don't read attachment parenting books, I have enough maternal guilt as it is.

    Bennett gets good bonding time with you through nursing too.

  4. As I answer this, Lanodn is getting his diaper changed by Justin and Aubrey is in her bassinett covered by a very bright UV light and a blanket for jaundice. She hasn't been held as much as I would like since yesterday, when we got the blanket, but that's okay. She is 6 days old. She will get plenty of attention and love. Anyway, one thing I remember hearing about parenting more that one child: If they are both crying and needing your attention, tend to the older one first. He/She is the one that will remember if you let them cry longer. I don't know if that helps. But, it has popped into my mind a few times already. You are doing a great job. You are raising and molding two great kids and knowing you and Travis as people, you will all do fine!

  5. I feel guilty, too, because it seems the challenging child in my household gets "rewarded" with my time and attention and the easy child in my home gets "punished" by being left on his own frequently. I need to find a balance, I know, but the squeaky wheel tends to get the oil.

    Re: the attachment parenting thing...if you've read anything written by Dr. Sears about this, he's very clear that if mom or dad are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, then something needs to change in the way that AP is applied in that family. I don't think it's an all-or-nothing approach, either. I think you take what fits your family for that snapshot in time, and tuck the rest away to use if you need it later. It's not Baby-wise vs. AP - it's "what does my entire family need to function right now?" As my LLL leader says - treat it like a salad bar - take what you want and leave what you don't.

    I used AP alot with Hannah but there were times when I let her cry simply for my own sanity in that moment. I tend to not let Henry cry at all because it's so rare that he actually wails that I know when he does there's something really wrong (versus Hannah, who cried seemingly all the time, which was exhausting for everyone).