Let's start with being tired. That's how yesterday started for me - waking up tired.
And add to that a CPR class I had to take at the hospital in preparation for James' discharge. The class, which was well taught by a very friendly woman, made me feel anxious and afraid that I won't be able to care for my son. Which, let's be honest, is a fear I've had since the ambulance came.
So that's tired + anxious + fearful.
Then there was a fiasco in James' hospital room about how I was getting home and what car I would drive. I was not prepared for this. Under normal circumstances I like a plan going into situations and with the stress and emotions of the NICU I need a plan even more. I suddenly felt majorly stressed. I was then sent home on a hot day in a car with windows I couldn't roll down and broken AC.
Tired + anxious + fearful + stressed + hot.
When I got home to a son who wouldn't nap and little time to eat, feed my kids, and get dressed in time to head out for a bridal shower I felt angry. And then trying to find something to wear that was appropriate and cute, well, that was impossible.
Tired + anxious + fearful + stressed + hot + angry + fat = a bad mood I didn't shake for the rest of the day.
Which really sucks because I went to a Sara Groves concert last night. $10 bought me a ticket to my favorite singer's concert just 10 minutes from my house. She was funny and sweet and honest - like her songs. She is a wonderful pianist, storyteller, lyricist, and singer. I was so confident that the concert would be this great release for me, but I barely heard her songs because I was so grumpy. In fact, through most of the concert I felt disappointed more than anything else. Disappointed because I wasn't enjoying her performance as much as I had wanted because I was in such a bad mood.
I suppose that under the circumstances I am now living in having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day once a week isn't so bad. Right?
I think I need more sleep.