April 24, 2012

Wait for it....


Engstrom baby #5 is a GIRL!

And she's a tough lookin' sucka if you ask me.  Here she is last week with her elbow pointing at you and a grimace on her face.

I'm sorry if you missed the news.  I never made an announcement because, frankly, I'm just not my "normal" self right now.

I'll also be birthing at a local hospital this time around.  A long time ago I prayed about where I should go and I felt like God was probably calling me in that direction.  I'm also doing it to make the grandmas happy.  Because of my intense fear of pushing this baby girl out (it was during pushing that JF died) I would rather be at home (away from the hospital crap when the baby is a stillborn) or just have a c-section but neither of options are really healthy and I know I'm just copping out. 

Don't get me wrong, though, I am still very pro homebirth.  Very.  In fact, the midwife I'm using did some of her training with my homebirth midwife and is very supportive of homebirth.  She is doing everything she can to make sure this hospital birth - and just this birth! - are positive experiences for me.  She has even encouraged me to have my homebirth midwife come to the birth.

This birth will be very different from my first 3.  All the post partum things I love and that make being at home so special won't happen.  But the good news is that my homebirth midwife and her birth assistant who have attended all three previous births will come to the hospital.  That makes me so happy.

So maybe you can see why I never really announced these things - our child's gender and the hospital birth - I have a large amount of confusing emotions surrounding them all!  But sorry to my friends who felt out of the loop, and sorry to my daughter whose life I should be celebrating.


  1. sounds like you've done all you can to make this as close to a home birth situation as possible. Now Travis needs to call the bakery and order a cake to be delivered at the hospital as soon as possible after the baby's born, or perhaps one of those grandmas could be baking a cake at home to be delivered to you right after the birth.

    Prayers for all of you as you welcome your little girl into the world.

  2. Yay, another girl! So exciting. I bet it was a tough decision to go to the hospital, I can imagine all your mixed feelings. Sounds like it will be the best possible hospital birth, though, with such great women there to support you! You will have a good experience, I predict. I hope that for you. I'm excited to hear another beautiful girl name that you and Travis choose. :)

  3. You'll do great at the hospital! I have long leaned toward homebirth, but the idea completely freaks my husband out so hospital birth it is. It isn't so bad. Definitely have someone bring your cake in!

  4. This is so wonderful!! Lydia must be super excited. I hope you're still considering Miriam...whatever name you choose, though, will be perfect.

  5. Yay!!! A sister for Lydia! I love it! And I'm sure your wonderful midwife and team will make your hospital birth the best it can be. So excited to hear about her safe arrival!!

  6. I saw this awhile back and didn't get a chance to comment. I can't tell you how much the line, "doing it for the grandmas" struck me. We don't have grandmas alive in our family any longer, and I remember fondly the times I did things for them against my own ideas, and try to forget the times I didn't. God will richly bless that impulse of yours. Praying for you so much at Mass these days.