While trying to explain to the anesthesiologist that my back is very sensitive to touch and people touching it makes me jumpy.
I imagine this is what a bear feels like.
Trying to explain the sensation in my legs from the epidural. My legs felt thick, fuzzy, and slow to move. No one understood what I meant but for the rest of the day I kept thinking, "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear..."
My bottom half feels drunk.
Again, no one understood.
I was going to say, "I imagine this is what Captain Jack Sparrow feels like all the time," but I knew that would make no sense.
While trying to explain the "My bottom half feels drunk" comment.
I can't believe no one has likened this to a bear before.
I mean, really? It makes perfect sense.
I feel like I have tree trunks for legs.
Heavy, thick, immobile.
I'd be willing to let an alien come down and do an extraction.
In response to the nurse asking me if I wanted the doctor to break my water.
While you push my stomach? Somewhere between 8 and I hate you.
In response to my nurse asking me, "On a level of 1-10 what's your pain?"
Too bad I can't text my nuns.
Comment made to my nurses while texting the news of JP's birth to family and friends.
Do you say that to all the fat girls?
This is the one comment I actually filtered because I thought the man poking things into my spine might feel uncomfortable if I said that to him, especially after I told I was like a horse. His comment to me was, "I can tell from looking at your back that yours will not be the easiest epidural I'll do today." I don't think he was actually commenting about my weight, I'm just really self conscious of my back fat.
It's because I'm German. We're hearty folk.
When the nurses were laughing in amazement that I had just delivered another 11 pound + baby without tearing.
Give me some of that flat Coke.
It was actually the black rum Travis snuck in for me.