My friend Alisha has a great post about her feelings on having St. Gerard - patron saint of pregnant women - as her assigned patron saint for the year. (You can have a patron saint assigned to you, too, courtesy Jen at Conversion Diary. Check out the Saint's Name Generator.)
Reading Alisha's post reminded me of this story from my past and a new twist it has now taken.
The first seven months of Lydia's life were very, very tough on me. I wasn't sure if I was cut out for motherhood but I knew I didn't want any more children. I knew that the dislike of my vocation wasn't how things were supposed to be, and I also knew that my wanting to keep God out of my bedroom was not okay. But I also felt like an angry, exhausted failure. So I found my way to confession with my spiritual director, telling him that I didn't feel very pro life. He asked me, "If you found out you were pregnant today, what would you say?"
"Oh shit!" was my answer. (just keepin' it real in the confessional)
Bennet was born about eight months later.
I have often joked that when I became pregnant with Bennet we were recklessly having sex, but now I see it differently. Totally unintentionally, we were letting God plan our family. At times it seemed irresponsible or overwhelming to have Lydia and Bennet so close together because of how hard mothering Lydia had been for me. But now that I see my boys interact I know God wanted James to have Bennet as a big brother. Those two boys love each other and light up when they see each other. Travis and I are confident that Bennet will help James developmentally as much as all the doctors, specialists, therapists and tests.
God was setting the table for James at Bennet's conception, even before the world began.
(Alisha, this is not to say that I think you're supposed to become pregnant! I'll leave that decision up to you, Jude and God.)
PS - I've heard women refer to babies such as Bennet as "oh what the hell babies." As in they knew there was a chance they'd get pregnant if they were intimate but they said, "Oh what the hell!" and got busy.