Our Grocery Budget + What's for Supper

One year ago I wrote a series called Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies. In it I talked a bit about groceries, our food budget, and our meal plan and there were requests for me to write more. So here it is, under the category of "Better Late than Never": the follow up post.

I want to start by touching on a couple of things that help to make this work for our family.

First, because of our food allergies I have to make almost everything from scratch but I do love to cook so it's a small sacrifice. However, it can be hard to figure out what we can eat based on what we have, what we can afford to buy, what everyone can and will eat, and then balance that with feast days and evening activities. All that to say, I love having a meal plan but I sorta don't like sitting down and writing up a meal plan.

Second, our income has increased a wee bit since last year and now our weekly grocery budget is about $130. Travis gives me $260 every two weeks. About once a month I will go to Costco for any variety of things: crackers, bacon, chicken breasts, flour, rice, detergent. I will spend about $50 there and then the rest will be divided between my two weeks shopping budget. Sometimes I will spend $120 one week and less the next but with the envelope system I always know how much cash I have and that I have to make it work for me.

Third, we bought half a cow in the spring from a local farmer (whose parents were the witnesses at my grandparents' wedding!) We still have about 1/3 of that meat in the deep freeze. Buying from the farmer is a big expense up front but it means we only spend ~$3 a pound on roasts, steaks, stew meat, ground beef, and liver (what do I do with liver?).

Updated with a fourth, when I say "groceries" I actually mean everything we eat and use in our house on a daily basis: tissues, paper towels, food, drinks, diapers, wet wipes, make-up, deodorant, cleaning products, garbage bags, hair products, feminine products, tealight candles used in holiday decorations, fresh flowers, and so on.

And fifth, we are a family of eight, six kids and two adults. Our oldest is eight and our youngest is almost ten months. While the baby is not eating a ton of food I am buying some special things for him and his diapers come out of our grocery budget so I think it's fair to include him in the count.

Okay, I think that's enough groundwork. Here goes:

Today I went grocery shopping and spent $109. It should feed us through the week though come Friday (pay day) I may pop back into the store in case I've run out of milk, bread, or sanity. My grocery list looked like this:

I also picked up apples, bananas, strawberries, hand soap refill, Earth Balance butter, shampoo, conditioner, mini bagels, bread, and a fountain soda. I didn't use coupons this week but I did make an effort to buy Kroger products so I would save with my Kroger card + earn fuel points. I know my meal plan says chili on Friday but we eat meatless on Fridays and I don't know why I wrote that down. So I bought no beans and we'll have something else instead.

After shopping my fridge looked like this:

And my freezer like this:

The cupboards have the bread, crackers, cereal, pop tarts, fruit snacks, oatmeal, chips, pretzels, canned food, and other items that make up our other meals. Generally speaking those menus look like this:

Breakfast options:
cold cereal, oatmeal, pop tart, bagel, toast, Eggo waffle, and sometimes homemade coffee cake or pancakes

Lunch options:
chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac and cheese, fresh fruit, chips, pretzels, mini mallows, carrot sticks, leftovers

Snack options:
fresh fruit, carrot sticks, crackers, baked goods, popcorn, chips, mallows

And then for this week here's what we're having:

Monday: Shepherd's Pie and Biscuits
I make my Shepherd's Pie in a cast iron skillet so I can just bake it in the same dish. Both the pie and the biscuits are easily adapted for our food allergies and I use ground round instead of lamb to save on cost.

Tuesday: Italian Sausage + Homemade Red Sauce + GF Spaghetti Noodles and Frozen Veg and Applesauce

Wednesday: Chicken + Rice + Stir Fry Veggies

Thursday: Soup Bones + Noodles and Frozen Veg and Canned Peaches
I don't have a recipe for this because my mom made this up, but let me tell you it's amazing. She boiled the meat off the bones, took bones out, added noodles to the meat and broth. Then she made a roux, added that to the cooked noodles, meat, and what was left of the broth. She seasoned it with salt and pepper and it's delish.

Friday: Potato Soup and Home Baked Bread

Saturday: Ribs and Rice and Frozen Veg

Sunday: Brinner (that's breakfast for dinner)

I don't know if this is helpful at all but if you have any questions please feel free to ask. I'm sure there's ways I could save even more money (I have two friends who are amazing at gardening, canning, freezing, and baking and I know that really helps them a great deal.) but, again, this is what works for us here and now. Please share your tips and tricks, because the point really is about helping one another feed the masses on our budgets and I'd love to learn from you.

Eat up and enjoy!

Infancy Without Postpartum Depression, what we did this time around

At the end of October Baby Tee will be ten months old. He is crawling, pulling himself to standing, cruising, and saying "mama." He laughs at his older siblings' silliness and they love to perform for him. He likes cheerios, sweet potatoes, graham crackers, and his mama's milk. He has seven teeth and sometimes I think he looks like an elf.

Can I just tell you that I am completely smitten with him? Some things are tough, of course, like teething and night nursing and all the food he drops on the floor, but he is so sweet and so lovely and my heart bursts with love of him.

I've never had an experience like this before. All my other children's infancies were shadowed by postpartum depression and now that I see what life with a newborn is like without PPD touching it I am incredibly sad that we were all robbed of happier days and a lighter, more peaceful, more loving home. But I am also so incredibly grateful that this time I have not suffered from PPD.

There were moments I was afraid it was coming. One night in particular I was so tired and so anxious. My anxiety kept me awake after a night feeding and I paced the house, I sobbed in the family room, I shook with fear, and I kept seeing this picture of a spiraling, Wonderland-like fall of which I was standing on the cusp.

When exhaustion or stress crept up on me, as they did a couple of times, they showed themselves through anger and an inability to tolerate anything. In the past I would have succumbed - I would have gone crazy. I had...

... but this time was different. We were proactive and we had plans in place. We knew that exhaustion and stress triggered my spiraling into PPD and so my husband, my mom, and I decided what we would do. In the end I would say three things really helped me get through this postpartum period without succumbing to postpartum depression.

First, and probably most importantly: sleep. My mom basically moved in with us for the first few weeks, waking up with Tee's cries, tending to him until she had to get me to nurse him, sending me back to bed immediately after he finished eating, and putting him back to bed. She and Travis made the meals and with he and me sleeping well at night Mom was able to nap during the days. My mother-in-law also helped by relieving my mom and occasionally keeping the older kids at her home. I sat with the kids, rested, and nursed the baby  - and for months that was pretty much all I did. In the months that followed those first six weeks I did not hesitate to put on a movie for the kids and nap, ask my mom or husband to watch the kids so I could sleep, and / or go to bed at 8pm.

Second, I allowed for a lot of quiet and introspection. I spent a lot of time observing how I felt physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I prayed, I read my Bible and Beautiful Mercy, I asked for other people to pray for me, and I used Jenna Hines' book 30 Days to Calm.

Finally, I took pills, but not medication like before. My midwife prescribed for me to take Omega-3 supplements (EPA-DHA 720, 1-2 at a time, four times a day) and Magnesium Glycinate (300mg, 4 at a time, 4 times a day). They were amazing. They helped me relax and just... feel good. I know that seems like a vague statement but it's true. If I started to feel overwhelmed I would take my pills and within thirty minutes I was calm and relaxed. I felt little to no anxiety and I slept better with them. I don't think these pills alone would have worked for bringing me out of my former PPD, but they were wonderfully helpful for keeping it bay this time.


In the end, this has possibly been the best year of my life. I have six amazing children, a husband who loves me immensely, and a devoted mom (and mother-in-law). As a family we have hit our stride and we are thriving, happy, and full of love. That might sound cheesy but I don't care. I've always like nachos.

PS - Speaking of babies, I was invited to be a contributor to the Waiting in His Word: A Couple's Journey Scripture Study on fertility. Nell, Nancy, and Laura have done a fabulous job of bringing together women and men with a wide variety of experiences: loss, adoption, infertility, hyper-fertility, foster care, and more. You can learn more and buy your copy here.


PPS - Not to sound silly, but I would love it if you'd vote for A Knotted Life over at the Fisher's Net Awards. I mean, who else gives you blog posts about food allergies, miracle babies, parochial school, parties, and fashion for barrel-shaped bellies? I mean, when it comes to that combination you know that I am the BEST.


PPS - I am definitely not saying that these three things are all you need to do to beat PPD, and please, please, please know that there is no shame in getting help - be it a therapist, medication, a nanny, etc - to overcome postpartum depression or any mental illness. If you think you have PPD please talk to your doctor or midwife. If you are still pregnant and worried about suffering through another bout of PPD, as I was while pregnant with Baby Tee, then perhaps this post will inspire you to think about your own triggers and create a plan with your loved ones so you can get the best care.

 

God works differently in all our lives: Sex, Money, Suffering, and Grace

Recently I have had several conversations with people about tithing. Several women shared that they are convicted to tithe a full 10% of their money, first thing, and they have seen time and time again that God has been generous back to them. Another friend confided that every time she does not give from the top of her paycheck something ridiculous always happens so that she has even less money.

Now, after I wrote the Financial Hardships and Surprise Pregnancies series, where I revealed that we do not tithe 10% monetarily several things happened:
- We received notice that our mortgage was going up each month because of escrow.
- I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, throwing a wrench into our meal plan and grocery budget.
- My husband had to cancel a dental appointment because we couldn't afford the work.

However:
- Someone sent us $200, which we are putting towards the dental work and Christmas presents. (Thank you!)
- Someone else sent me a whole box of chai tea concentrate (which I have to drink in major moderation now but once the baby comes and the diabetes clears up I will be freely enjoying). (And thank you!)
- Someone else sent us a $100 gift card that we can put towards groceries. (And thank you, too!)

Maybe we were given new difficulties because we don't tithe 10% of our paychecks but I don't think that's how God works - at least not in our lives. I mean, at the exact same time, look at the ways He was inspiring the Body of Christ to be generous! Look at the ways He came through for us!

BUT, I do trust those women in what they said. I do believe that that's how God works in their lives.

This was probably already made pretty darn clear in the FH&SP series, but being this poor can be incredibly humiliating at times. But like I also said in the series I really do think that these are the sufferings and sacrifices God has given to us. They're not going to look exactly like yours nor will yours look like mine.

I wholeheartedly believe that God works differently in each of our lives according to what we need for sanctification. Maybe that friend of mine needs to be stripped of her love of money and needs to learn to submit to and trust in God. Or maybe that's not it at all - I'm just guessing to illustrate here.

But for me, I think I need to be stripped of my pride. I need to learn to put others first. I need to love God above my husband. At least that's what I've figured out so far, I'm sure there's lots more to unearth. Right now my heaviest crosses are the financial worry, the physical toll all the pregnancies have taken on my body, and the fact that natural family planning in my marriage will be nothing more than complete abstinence for several (many?) years. So I guess I need to work on chastity, too, probably.

Are these things fun? Uh, no. Are they easy? Nope, usually not and especially not at first. But these crosses are mine and it's time to stop pretending like I should have what other people have (like savings accounts and normal fertility) because that's not what I need right now to grow in holiness.

A recent article posted at Aleteia says with a great deal of charity and compassion for people just like me, "It can’t be acceptable, from the Catholic point of view, that the marital act is so strictly bound by economic status that husbands and wives can enjoy the divine gift of sexual union only if they can afford the result. The Catholic teaching is not for the middle and upper classes alone."

Do you know what I thought when I read that? "I appreciate what you're saying, but don't take this away from me." If this is my cross, if this is the means that God has chosen to sanctify me then please don't take it way. Don't find an easy out option for me. I don't need a loophole; I need grace.

I need the grace to turn to God in prayer. I need grace to not believe the lie that my husband doesn't love me just because we can't be intimate. I need grace to do what I need to do to heal and strengthen my body. I need the grace to stop worrying about how dingy and shabby the carpet, bathrooms, living room furniture, and kitchen cabinets look and start being grateful. As my Ugandan priest told me, materialism is one of the greatest weaknesses of Catholics in America. My bathrooms may be dated, small, and ugly but I have two of them, with hot running water, and they're air conditioned.

As an aside, if you want to feel like an ungrateful jerk, try confessing your jealousy of everyone else's shiny swagger wagons to a man who as a boy had to hide in the fields of a banana plantation, ended up being bitten everywhere by fire ants but couldn't move because otherwise he'd be killed or kidnapped by the soldiers who had arrived at his home during a civil war.

So materialism, jealousy, ungratefulness - yes I need to work on those things, too. And because of the lot in life that God has given me I can work on them. This vocation - my husband, my kids, my home - this is the path before me and the Good Shepherd is leading me so I fear no evil. The trick is to only remember that His rod and staff are there to guide and save me, not to punish me. Your path may look a bit different than mine - your verdant pastures may have different consolations and there may be different rocks and brambles along your way - but I trust that's how it should be. 

The Kind of Love my shepherd is
whose goodness fails me never;
I nothing lack if I am His 
and He is mine forever...

And so through all the length of days
Thy goodness fails me never.
Good Shepherd may I sing Thy praise
within Thy house forever.

Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies: Crosses & Chai Tea

Welcome back to the Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies series. The posts include: 
Introduction

Crosses & Chai Tea

How We Make It Work

and a follow up post:
God Works Differently in All Our Lives: Sex, Money, Suffering, and Grace

We have five kids and I'm pregnant with my sixth. I am a stay at home mom. My husband is a public high school teacher.

Our family of eight lives in a three bedroom ranch, a solidly built home with a nice, large, unfinished basement, thread-bare carpet, rickety windows that will shatter into dangerous shards, nice-enough-but-really-pretty-ugly bathrooms and kitchen, and a nice big yard that would be amazing after about $2,000 worth of work.

Okay, actually the yard just is amazing but I would really love to put in about $2,000 worth of work into it (evergreens for privacy here, a gorgeous waterfall there, a fire pit, some boxwoods and Rose of Sharons by the fence, and more mulch than you can imagine).

We drive around in a mini-van with a wonky radiator. If you ever see me on the side of the road with the hood up I am probably fine, I just need to release the pressure that has built up from air bubbles in the coolant. When the new baby comes we won't all fit in it and our best chance for a new one is tax refund time, though that money was supposed to go towards new windows and paying down debt.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I'm prone to over-sharing a bit, but also because I have had some friends specifically request that I write about how our family manages to get by financially with so many mouths to feed, and how we decide to bring more kids into our budget-tight family.

I don't really have a very pretty answer, nor an easy one. We live right at the poverty line for the state of Illinois but I don't think we are what you would think of when you picture a family living in poverty. We have cell phones, Netflix, wifi, two cars, toys to play with, clothes to wear, and food to eat. We send our kids to private school. I have a KitchenAid mixer and we have an iPad. Now most of those things were gifts, or second hand, or straight out charity, or floor models purchased at deep holiday discounts with money from second jobs (looking at you, mixer).

Of course you wouldn’t know that and so I wonder about all the other families who live at or below the poverty line. I wonder how many live around me and how many I know and how similar we are. I wonder if they have ever cried with worry about how they will pay bills or buy Christmas presents. I wonder if they’ve ever had to put food back on the shelf at the grocery store. I wonder if they ever have to confess resenting people who tell them they went to Disney but it was affordable because they didn’t stay at a park hotel. I wonder if they worry about the balance of feeding their family on a limited budget and having malnourished kids.

Mostly I think about it when it comes to food. Right now I have a container of chai tea concentrate in the fridge. It was on sale for just under $3 and usually it costs almost $5. I know this because I look at it every week at the grocery store and wish I could buy it. But I can't afford $5 for chai tea concentrate and so 48 weeks out of the year I do not make that purchase. $5 can buy two packages of the Turkey Selects hot dogs, possibly 2lbs of sausage, a gallon of milk and a carton of eggs, five loaves of bread, five bags of frozen veggies, a variety of fresh produce, two boxes of cereal, a canister of oatmeal and James' milk, a pound of ground beef, two bags of chips, a package of diapers, OR a tube of toothpaste and some tissues. $5 buys things my family needs and so, unless I have extra pocket money, I don't spend that money on something I want.

But two weeks ago I had a bit of extra money and the chai was on sale and so I splurged and bought it. I've been enjoying it but every time I look in the fridge and see the chai sitting there but not a lot of anything else I feel guilty. I wish I wouldn't have bought the chai.

Now, we use the envelope system. Twice a month, when my husband is paid, I am given $300. I use $50 for gas, which has to last for 2 weeks. I use $120 each Monday for groceries for the week. I have $10 left over - sometimes more when gas is cheap - to spend as I wish. Sometimes that buys us a convenient McDonald's dinner or at least a large diet Dr. Pepper to soothe my worried mind. Sometimes it buys a kid's birthday present or pays for a field trip. Sometimes I use it to buy gas because we've driven a little bit more than usual and I have no more cash for gas. Sometimes I spend it on groceries because $120 doesn't always get too far.

All this to say: I shouldn't have bought that chai. I should I have purchased some more frozen veggies or a pint of strawberries. My $10 of “mad money” isn’t really mine - it’s buffer money - and I hate that I was selfish and impulsive.

The funny thing is, if our student loans were all paid off we would be totally comfortable living off my husband’s paycheck and the little side jobs we do. My loan is almost gone (less than $3k left) but my husband’s loans will be around for awhile. We have a bit of credit card debt - something we wouldn’t have if we didn’t have the student loans, if we weren’t living in fixer-uppers, and if we weren’t occasionally stupid - and looking at our budget we know that to get rid of those things would be incredibly freeing for our family. We don’t regret our college educations but we do regret other financial decisions we made, especially early on in our marriage.

So I’m just throwing that out there: if we had less debt to pay on each month our family of almost eight would be living comfortably while still sitting at the poverty line. There still wouldn’t be Disney vacations, but we wouldn’t be worried about buying a new van, or having an extra $50 a month in the grocery budget, and we wouldn’t have to pick up extra work for swimming lessons.

And how have we discerned to have more kids? Well, we haven’t - not since Resa. All of our boys and the baby I’m currently pregnant with have been surprises. Honestly, with our financial situation I feel like we have just reason to not have any more babies for awhile, if ever again. But obviously, God thought otherwise.

My super fertility, the long periods of abstinence that comes with it, and the super tight budget it has brought has all made me spend a great deal of time reflecting on what the Church teaches about vocations and marriage. I am convinced that there are things about me, Travis, and our marriage that need to be refined, made holier, and purified, and God is allowing us to suffer through financial hardship while asking us to joyfully accept surprise pregnancies so that very act of sanctification can happen.

My crosses and blessings are mine - God has specifically picked them out for me so that I can better do what I want most: to know, love, and serve Him and to be holy as He is holy. Every individual’s crosses and blessings are just as specific to them, especially for those of us who are striving to follow the Lord. God has lovingly picked them all out for all of us.

So did I believe we should probably be done? Yes. Was that partially because of fear and anxiety? Yes. Does perfect love cast out fear? Yes. Do I feel like God is asking me to trust Him? Yes. So I will trust and we’ll keep doing what we’re doing, loving one another and our kiddos and our God. And very, very rarely splurging on chai tea concentrate.

You can come back tomorrow for final post How We Make It Work, where I talk about what we actually do to stretch our dollars, live off one salary, and provide for a family of 8. And if you haven't read the Introduction yet, please click here.

The Series:

Introduction

Crosses & Chai Tea

How We Make It Work

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Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies: An Introduction

This week I will be running a very small series responding to several people’s request that I write about having a large family while not having a lot of money.

The Series:
Introduction
Crosses & Chai Tea
How We Make It Work

and a follow up post:
God Works Differently in All Our Lives: Sex, Money, Suffering, and Grace

I know that sharing specifics about personal budgets and finance is considered bad form but, after discussing it with my husband, I’m going to share some of those personal details. Some of what I’ll be sharing is, for me, very personal and I know we are opening ourselves up to judgement and critique and possibly ridicule by sharing these things.

However, I’m doing this in the hope that it may help a couple who is struggling with the decision of whether or not to expand their family, or one who has been surprised to learn that their family is expanding. I’m also hoping that it may be helpful for a family who is struggling financially; maybe part of our family’s system will help them. Or at least I always think it is nice to know I’m not alone in my particular hardship.

Because I am writing the coming posts from a place of great vulnerability I don’t want to fill the posts with clarifications and asides, I just want to share about my specific family and our specific situation.  

I hope it is understood by everyone that I do not believe (nor does the Church teach) that large families are “more Catholic” than small families. And I wholeheartedly believe that not everyone is called to have a big family - there are legitimate reasons to space or be completely done having children. I also know there’s a big difference between having zero, one, or two kids and having nice things and having zero, one, or two kids so you can have nice things. Again, I am talking about my family and our ways - not commenting on anyone else’s.

I also hope no one will make comments about my husband’s and my decision to follow the teachings of the Catholic Church and not contracept. We firmly believe, and think science makes obvious, that life begins at conception, that we were wonderfully and fearfully made, and that God asks sex to be open to life. (You can read more about those teachings here if you’d like.)

Finally, I want to say that Yes, we are living this life because it’s the life we’ve chosen. We chose to take out student loans. We chose to pay for things with a credit card. We chose to not contracept or abort any of our babies. Travis chose to go into teaching and I chose to be a stay at home mom (Although daycare for five kids? It wouldn’t even be worth it for me to work!) We have chosen to follow the teachings of the Catholic Church. We have chosen to make these sacrifices because we believe that in the end, no matter how hard things may be now (and how hard it is for even us to see it), it is worth it.

It’s worth it to choose life. It is worthwhile to choose life over death, over the impossibility of more life,  or over things and experiences. And it is worth it because life is worth living.

The Series:

Introduction

Crosses & Chai Tea

How We Make It Work

Bloglovin' -- Feedly -- Instagram -- Pinterest -- Facebook

7QT - geesh, I'm done with today.

1 - Falshed Junk Mind by Milky Chance. I like their stuff.


2 - Today I got out of bed a little after 5am so I could get a head start on the day. Within fifteen minutes two of my kids were walking down the hall. Fifteen minutes later four of them were up. The day pretty much went downhill from there. Not that anything really went wrong, well, until L's thumb got smashed by a landscaping rock and we had to take her to a prompt care (not broken). But all day it just felt like I was losing; I was actually looking forward to the "Game Over."


3 - When L's thumb got smashed she was in intense pain - the worst of her life she kept telling me. However, in the midst of her really incredible pain she kept saying really sweet, cute things.

Talking to her thumb she sobbed, "I love you but why do you have to hurt so badly?"
After I asked her if she'd rather Daddy or I stay with her at the prompt care she replied, "I'd like Daddy to stay with me. If that's okay with you."
And my favorite: Trying to get her mind of the pain so she could calm down she said, "I'm going to think about rainbows."

4 - Today closes out Catholic Schools Week. I had every intention of writing a post about how much we love our school as I listed off all the reasons why, but it just kept sounding like some stupid "let's add to the mommy wars" post about how much better my parenting decision is than yours. That's not at all what I was going for, but I was in a funk (see above) and so, in the end, I edited it all away and just want you to know this:

Seven years ago I did not have a favorable opinion of Catholic schools. In my experience, the vast majority of Catholic school families were rich snobs who cared more about a hoity-toity private education than vibrantly living out an orthodox faith. My experience with several Catholic schools in my area has changed that perception, though, especially my experience with the parish school my children now attend.

Is our Catholic school perfect? No. There's a few things I'd like to change about it (like a new building, grass and a swing set for the older kids to play on, air conditioning, and there's a few excellent Catholic books I'd like to sneak into the curriculum / teacher book baskets.)

But our school is amazing and we are very, very fortunate to belong to the parish and school community.

If, for any reason, you want to hear more about why we send our kids to Catholic school please feel free to ask. Or you can read all of Kathryn's good posts on it.


5 - JP is 18 months and he is really, incredibly trying. Exhausting. Future JP, if you are reading this, I love you buddy, but oi vey!

If you follow me on Instagram on Facebook then you know that he climbs onto the counters and gets into the cookie jar. He climbs into his booster seat and buckles himself in and then cries because he can't get out. He opens the garage door and wanders around, in his bare feet, sometimes pushing the swivel sweeper. I've caught him swivel sweeping the driveway when it was 36 degrees outside. He reaches up to the counter and pulls down raw chicken, milk, knives, eggs, dirty dishes... AND he's still waking up at night!


6 - I know there are a lot of worthy people and places to tithe to, but if you have an extra $5, or $250, to give away please consider giving to my friend Emily who is hoping to be trained as a Creighton instructor. Thank you!


7 - When you watch the Super Bowl commercials this weekend pay attention to the pretty blonde playing the wife and mother in the Nissan commercial. She's my friend, Jolene.

Rome. I brought her on a pilgrimage with me even though she was a non practicing Presbyterian. It was the best. 

Thank you, Kelly, for hosting!

7QT- Links about prayers, podcasts, pro-life posts, and planning (the natural family kind)

Yeah for Kelly for hosting!


1 - Vance Joy's Mess Is Mine 



2 - I was praying for Paul. I was praying so, so hard throughout the night and day. I was praying for a miracle and that he would live. I do not understand the ways of God, but I know that if I could He would not be much of a god.

I am praying for his family and his soul (just in case) but I also know that he was granted an Apostolic Pardon on his deathbed and I can't help but wonder if his suffering was his purification. In short, I'm pretty sure he's a saint.

If you haven't yet, I encourage you to read Mary's post and Heather's post. They are both so beautiful. And if you'd like to support Paul's widow and children please consider donating here.



3 - Just in case you are wondering what I'm talking about with some of that super Catholic stuff up above you can learn more about praying for souls if you listen to this. To learn more about the Apostolic Pardon listen to this. And then just listen to everything else because the Catholic Stuff You Should Know podcast is fabulous.



4 - My friend Jamie is planning a new moms' group for her parish and is looking for ideas about what makes a great one. Can you share with her the things you love (and also maybe the things that don't work so well) about your moms' group? Thank you!



5 - The Sheenazing Awards will end later today. If you haven't voted this is your last chance but just once vote per person, please.

Also, can I just say that I so appreciate how many people really get that this is not just about a popularity contest but is a way to raise awareness of Fulton Sheen - who he is, what he did, and how great he is. To all the bloggers who shared about him while the shared about the awards: thank you! To all the bloggers who posted his face on their Facebook wall: thank you!

And, for all those super great, wonderful blogs that weren't nominated this year, Erica at Saint Affairs is hosting a link-up "Blogs you may not be reading but you should." Please join her in sharing your favorite "under-appreciated" blogs.



6 - My blog and Facebook feeds have been filled with a lot of posts about the Pope's comments on rabbits and the dignity of life / the March for Life / the pro-life movement. Here's a few of my favorites I've read lately.

An older but really beautiful one from Svellerella: I Chose Life: And His Name is Lexington Anthony
Jenny writing about something I've wondered as I look up from my Little House reading binge and look around my house: On Debt and Openness to Life
Jenny again: Why We Don't Let the Neighbors Tell Us How to Raise the Kids
A woman with a completely different background than me writes about the rabbits: It's Not About Rabbits, But Maybe It's Not About You Either
Sarah eloquently writes: When Generosity Looks Like Selfishness




7 - Please let me tell you about my friend Emily. She's a former high school teacher, she's a farm girl, her big sister is one of my best friends, her husband is a 1LT in the Army (I don't know what that means but it's what her Facebook wall told me), and she wants to be a Creighton instructor. Now, if any of you have read my blog long enough you know that I have had some poor experiences with Creighton so when I share this with you please understand that this is how much I believe in Emily and the importance of natural family planning!

Creighton is a fantastic method of natural family planning (nfp) and has helped many, many women I know to learn about their bodies, become healthy, treat underlying issues, avoid pregnancy when needed, and achieve pregnancy when possible. Emily is funny, smart, compassionate, and kind. She has a true heart for army wives and wants to help cultivate a thriving Catholic culture no matter what base she and her family are living on.

Here's the catch: She has 8 weeks to raise almost $4,000 to cover her tuition, books, and travel expenses. Would you be willing to give alms or a portion of your tithe to Emily to help her? I made a donation by clicking on the PayPal button on her site. Please consider doing the same. Thanks.

Judging the Mom of Many - a guest post by Mandi Richards

Hey, you! Yeah, you - the mother of five young children close in age.  I see families like yours everywhere.  In the pews before us at Mass.  At the grocery store.  In the park.  I always try to meet your eyes, but when you see me looking, you usually look away.  I can’t be sure why, but I imagine that it’s because you’ve seen one too many disapproving looks.

Your large family is counter-cultural.  You make people uncomfortable because you embrace the very things that society teaches us to fear: children.  Life.  People wonder if you’re crazy.  Or you’re Catholic.  Or if you own a television.  I don’t.  Your children are beautiful blessings.  It seems perfectly sane that you would welcome more of them. 

Let me tell exactly what I see when I see your family:

I see love.

I see joy.

I see the goodness of God.

I see five little people with endless possibility who will in some way, big or small, change the world.

I see parents who have blessed the world with their “yes” to life.

I see your courage in choosing that yes.

Really, it’s true. I don’t think you’re crazy.  I don’t think you’re stupid.  I don’t think you’re irresponsible.  I don’t think, “Better her than me!” or relish at the comfy life I have with my only child.   I don’t see any of the negative things you worry I see. 

And so, in some ways, I’m better than those people who think you have too many children.  I will never fault you for your family size.  I’ll never think you imprudent.  I’ll never see your children as anything less than precious blessings.  I’ll always support your decision for more children and congratulate on a new pregnancy.  (And I’ll never ask you if you own a television.) 

But in some ways, I’m just as bad.  Because, just like those naysayers, I see your family through my own biases and with my own scars.  I know that mothering a large family is difficult.  That it’s not all hugs and smiles.  That it’s a lot of lost sleep and breaking up fights and cleaning up messes and heartache and tantrums and…  I know, but when I see your family, I don’t see any of that. 

I’m so sorry, I know that I should be able to sympathize with you and support you through the hardships of mothering a large family.  But - right now anyway - I can’t see past my own pain and desires.  I get easily frustrated when moms of large families mention the hardships they face because all I can see is how blessed they are with children.  “Why can’t they see how blessed they are?” I think. “Why can’t they just be happy for what they have!”

And that’s not fair to you.  I reduce you to this rosy caricature of the mother of a big family, instead of a woman who has blessings and crosses.  You deserve to be seen as a whole person.  You deserve to be able to rejoice in your blessings and seek support for your struggles. 

You see, I always wanted to be that mother with five children close in age.  And I’m not.  I have one beautiful daughter who is approaching three and lost two other children to miscarriage over the past year.  And so I have baby tunnel vision.  I only see the babies.  The blessings.

So I ask: Will you forgive me?  Will you be patient with me?  Will you pray for me.  Be assured, I am already praying for you.

Mandi is a Catholic wife of (almost) four years and the mother of a sweet and spicy two-year-old, Lucia.  She loves the sound of a train whistle at night time, a cheap bottle of red wine, and jalapeños on her popcorn. She stays up way past her bedtime updating her blog, Messy Wife, Blessed Life.

On starving babies, orphans, and natural family planning

Hopefully you have seen Blythe's fantastic post about how the Catholic Church's teachings on sex were incredibly important to her conversion to the faith. It's a gracious, intelligent post and it sparked some good comments. One of the questions really stood out to me and so I wanted to respond in my own way and in my own space. 

Anonymous wrote:
As a Christian who is searching to make sense of the faith I grew up with, I find this incredibly confusing (Disclaimer- I was raised Protestant). I do not mean to contentious but I have a few questions, all coming from a heart of love... I am wrestling through a crisis of faith and the foundation of faith I had built up can't sustain the questions keeping me awake at night. What is the point of this life? Why are we here? Who is God? Really BIG picture stuff. 

What does the Bible teach on the topic? 
What about women living in third world countries whose babies are starving? I would assume you would suggest they use NFP but that again raises questions for me... What is the difference, big picture, between NFP and and using a condom- preventing a pregnancy. My husband and I have lived and worked in Africa and seen these mamas face to face. The last thing they need is another baby... 
What about all the orphans? How can we make space in our families for these children when we keep creating babies of our own? My husband and I are blessed with two amazing little girls who we love endlessly but I feel done having babies, mostly because I believe we are called to love one another, above all this is the big picture for me. We have room for more children and want a bigger family but we feel like we should be adopting sweet babes and kids who don't have a mama and daddy. What are your thoughts on this? 

Again, please understand these questions are not meant to be malicious. I so appreciate women of faith being able to have open dialogue about our beliefs and values.


Anon, of course your questions aren't malicious! And I know you didn't ask me - you asked our lovely friend Blythe - but your questions are really dear to my heart and so I wanted to respond. I hope you don't mind me butting in. Thank you for being so genuinely interested and respectful. 

The first thing I want to say is that the point of life, why we are here, is to know, love, and serve God. That is the meaning of life, that is what will make us happy, that is what this is all about. The bottom line: to know, love, and serve God. To know Him through His Church, His Sacred Scripture. To love Him through prayer, adoration, worship, and fellowship - a true, deep relationship. To serve Him by discerning His will for your life and then joyfully living it out as a parent, spouse, priest, religious sister, doctor, teacher, volunteer, friend.

God is the Creator of everything visible and invisible. God *is* love. God is a Trinity, three in one, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God is our redeemer, our savior, our lover, our Lord. He is almighty and He cares about you. He loves you. I also believe firmly that Jesus Christ established the Catholic Church and that the Holy Spirit continues to guide it - despite the knuckleheads and sinners who make it up - so that through the Church we can have the fullness of the Christian faith, the graces needed to live a heroically virtuous life, and the Sacraments through which God gives us Himself (literally in the Eucharist).

Those are the most important things: who is God and why are we here? If we don't have the answers to those then nothing else matters. But on to your questions on NFP. 

Well, the Bible doesn't say, "Thou shalt use natural family planning under these circumstances to avoid and under these circumstances to achieve and..." The Bible does tell us the children are a blessing and God tells us to go forth and multiply. I would think based solely on Scripture that every Christian should have a quiverful of kids, but that's not what the Catholic Church says. The Catholic Church, guided by the Holy Spirit, wants us to practice responsible parenthood, to only have the children we can care for which may be seven or may be two. 

About those babies in Africa: if those moms shouldn't be having another baby then they should not be trusting a condom which could break. If someone really should not be having a child then they really should not be having sex. With natural family planning there are three phases. Phase I is a woman's period. Phase II is when she's fertile; it's the time leading up to ovulation and the approximately four days following ovulation. Phase III is the naturally infertile time after ovulation has happened. 

Speaking from personal experience I will tell you that those African mothers are capable of doing the exact same thing I've been doing: abstaining. After my last baby was born my husband and I needed a break from being pregnant. So for seven months we abstained until I had signs of fertility return so I could begin charting. Over the last three months (my baby is now ten months old) we have abstained throughout Phase I and II until my charted signs show that my fertility has passed. During Phase III we can have sex and know that we will not get pregnant. 

Is it hard to abstain? Absolutely. Does God use that time when we are abstaining to help us grow in virtues like selflessness, self control, and compassion while he also gives us the graces to persevere? Absolutely.

Finally, about the orphans. I think it is beautiful that God has placed such a call and conviction on your heart and your husband's heart. If He is asking you to adopt then He is probably also asking you to abstain during times of fertility and He will probably be using that time to strengthen other virtues, like obedience, patience, and generosity. It is also possible that He may have you adopt your next child and then bless you with another baby from your womb. Of course, I don't know exactly what God wants of you and how He's hoping to mold you and I hope you understand that I'm guessing a little bit and also projecting from my own life and experiences.

I think that part of the reason natural family planning seems so impossible is because we've been raised in a culture that has told us we can have sex whenever we want. And like Blythe said, some churches have even told their women that they needed to have sex with their husbands whenever the men wanted. To finally have a Church and it's joyful, faithful members say, "Sometimes you just shouldn't have sex," well, how do we wrap our minds around that? Is it even possible? Since middle school people have been telling me it's pretty much not possible, so make sure you have protection. So of course it seems like it's not possible. But it is. Abstinence is possible and it is worthwhile.

Finally, I want to stress something that wasn't brought up by you but I think it needs to be said. Babies are gifts. They are only gifts and they are always gifts. Sometimes they don't feel like the gift you wanted just then, but it does not change the basic fact that they are gifts. Only and always.

"Mary Comforts Eve"

The Cross and Sheen Novena Day 4

Hey friends!

First I want to tell you that yesterday I had a guest post at Carrots for Michaelmas called "The Cross." Way back in the day Haley asked if I would write something for her Women Speak on NFP series. I told her I would and then I didn't for a long, long time. I promise I tried to make good on my word, but I was so angry I couldn't write anything balanced and fair. I finally came to a point where I could write about my experience with NFP in a fair way. Please go check it out and let me know what you think if you're so moved to do so.

Also, don't forget that you can buy Haley's new cookbook / book on living the liturgical year Feast! by going here. It's now available in a hardcopy or e-copy! Yay for supply and demand!

And now, please join me for Day 4 of the Novena for Fulton Sheen's canonization.


Novena Day 4

“The great tragedy of life is not so much what men have suffered, but what they have missed. And what greater tragedy is there than to miss the peace of sin forgiven? There is not a man living who, if he willed it, could not enjoy the spiritual food and drink which God serves to all who ask.”
Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

Lord, Fulton Sheen led so many to peace of soul by introducing them to your forgiveness. Help us to share your gift of peace to others by introducing them to Your true loving forgiveness and gift of confession.

Prayer of Canonization, Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be

Prayer of Canonization

Father, source of all holiness, You raise up within the Church in every age men and women who serve with heroic love and dedication. You have blessed Your Church through the life and ministry of Your faithful servant, Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. He has written and spoken well of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and was a true instrument of the Holy Spirit in touching the hearts of countless people.

If it be according to your Will, for the honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity and for the salvation of souls, we ask You to move the Church to proclaim him a saint. We ask this prayer through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen

Seven Quick Takes: Cake, Millenials, Squash, and Faree Pris

1 - My favorite Cake song ever!

2 - I had the super cool opportunity to interview Simcha Fisher about her book The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning for Ignitum Today. You can read it here if you're interested.

3 - I saw a quiz on Facebook yesterday - How Millennial Are You? It turns out that a lot of my friends, even those who are Millennials are more like Gen Xers. I, on the other hand, scored a 12 putting me right over the Silent generation's line into Baby Boomer. If you take the quiz tell me what you get - it's fun. And it's super short!

4 - The quiz reminded me of a time I was at a Theology on Tap a few years ago. The speaker asked for a show of hands of everyone born in 1982 or after. All the Millenials around me raised their hands. Then he asked for a show of hands for everyone born in 1981 or before. I was the only one who raised my hand. I was like 27 years old and suddenly I felt really old.

5 - A local pumpkin farmer donated a huge amount of pumpkins and gourds for our parish's All Saints' party. He also gave me a few for cooking including this grandaddy of a squash.

Here it is with my coffee cup to give you some perspective.

I was surprised at how easy it was to cut up, I was pretty sure I'd be breaking a knife judging by its size. But it was super easy to cut and clean and bake. I pureed it and now I have all kinds of squash ready to be made into soup and baked into pie and....

and I don't know... is there anything else I can do with it? 

Because I got a lot of it.

6 - I dropped the ball on Halloween because I didn't get a picture of the kids in their costumes. What I'm really disappointed by is that I didn't get a picture of them in their soaking wet costumes. Literally, we were dripping wet. 

But L's got my back because she wrote a book at school about Halloween night.

She can spell her name - I don't know why it's messed up here.
It says, "I was a fairy princess."

Action shot of the trick or treating. She left out the pouring rain and the cold wind but it was there in real life.

7 - And on a final note, I would just like to say that I hate selling a house. 

Thanks, Jen, for hosting!