Things have been tough for me since November. I've been tired in every way a person can be tired. I spent most of December super sick. In January I sat at my grandfather's death bed for a week and then buried him the next. In February we buried Travis' grandfather. And this month, March, we had a really tough meeting about a variety of learning disabilities and developmental delays in one of our kids.
I feel defeated in a lot of ways, run down, like a failure, worried about the future, and sad about the past. There have been highlights, like Kathryn and The Head and the Heart, but folks, it was an incredibly special day when my husband forwarded me an email from a friend with travel information. I had been gifted the amazing opportunity to attend the Blessed Is She Beloved Retreat held March 18th in Phoenix, Arizona. And I cried, feeling both unworthy of such a gift and so grateful for the chance to retreat.
Besides the fact that it felt like Illinois in July it was perfect. There seems to be a rule that you have to be really beautiful and amazing to live in Arizona because every single woman I met was both of those. I had great conversations with complete strangers, caught up with several old friends, and was blown away by the awesomeness of the Catholic community in the Phoenix area.
But the retreat... Folks, it was breathtaking. Beautiful touches were everywhere to make things super special, unique, and feminine. The vibe was hip but not pretentious, joyful but vulnerable, prayerful but fun. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner were all served and they were delicious. The swag bag was great: informative, practical, and with a few really special touches.
But what made it really powerful for me were the talks, the praise and worship, and adoration. The day followed Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved, with each talk building on the previous ones, explaining how we are Chosen, Blessed, Broken, and Given. There were Truths spoken in those talks that really shook me. There were things said that spoke right to my wounds and doubts and fears. By the time we got to Beth Davis' talk on being Broken I was biting my lip so as not to do a sobbing ugly cry.
For all the pretty touches throughout the day and the amazing worship, led by Ike Ndolo, his band, and Emily Wilson (who also gave the Blessed talk), I spent the second half of the day stuck in the Broken. I knew that was Sr. Maria Kim, and Emily, and Beth were saying was all true but I couldn't let go and do what they said.
"The Lord is the God of Israel," Sr. Kim had said. "And He is yours, too. Ask Him to speak your name in prayer. The Lord is the God of Bonnie. It is personal and intimate."
"Whatever it is that you believe about yourself - you're not good enough, pretty enough, you're a failure, a loser, a bad mom, stupid, worthless - whatever it is, hold it up to God and ask Him, "Is this true?" Emily spoke these words but I couldn't do it.
"Invite Jesus into your brokenness and let Him heal it," Beth said but the thought scared me because my current state of brokenness seems such a mess.
And then came adoration. They said Father would process with the monstrance but what he did was so much more than that. Every woman had an intimate, personal encounter with Christ in the Eucharist as the priest brought Him to us all. And as He stood before me I couldn't hold it in any more. And with my tears, the priest brought Christ even closer. It was intense and powerful and healing.
Honestly, I'm still unpacking it all. I'm still thinking and praying on it all and reviewing what all I saw and heard and felt.
You can see more pictures and watch a clip of adoration on my Instagram feed but, wow, ladies, I hope you can do one better and go to a Beloved Retreat yourself one day. It was refreshing to my soul and good for my heart.
PS - I heard that there is still a handful of tickets left for the Austin, Texas Beloved Retreat happening *this* Saturday, April 1st. If you can, please go. If you have half as good and beautiful of a time as I did you will not be sorry you went. Go with your mom, your sisters, your small group, and don't be afraid to go alone if you have to. You won't feel alone or left out, I promise.
It's Catholic Schools Week and I didn't want it to pass without pointing out some of the things I love about the Catholic school our children attend. If you are considering where to enroll your kiddos next year then I hope this list might help you see some of the perks of a Catholic education.
Now, we have had a great experience with our local public school and we are very fortunate to live in such an amazing school district. We have also had some experience with and lots of exposure to homeschooling so we know how wonderful that can be. But this isn't a week for celebrating public schools or homeschools. It's a week for celebrating the parish ministry that is brick-and-mortar Catholic schools. So let's get going!
1 - Caring about people is a part of the culture
This isn't about building up a politically correct culture, this is about serving, loving, and reaching out to others. Students at our school regularly have service projects such as visiting the local nursing homes, making Thank You cards for our troops, and collecting donations for food banks and crisis pregnancy centers. Older students are partnered with younger ones to serve as prayer partners, helping them through Mass and being their general Big Buddy. And when I brought my kids with their severe food allergies to the school parents, faculty, staff, and students were all on board with keeping my boys safe and included. Once I popped in during lunch time and saw two of JF's classmates heading to the bathroom. "We have to wash our hands so JF doesn't have an allergic," they told me. I mean, how sweet is that?
2 - It's not nominal
Our Catholic school is 100% orthodox and proudly Roman Catholic. Pre-K through 8th grade students attend Mass weekly and appropriate grades attend monthly confession. Each class, K-8, makes a weekly holy half hour before the Blessed Sacrament. They pray throughout the day in class, celebrate feast days, and talk about saints, morals, ethics, virtue, and faith. When my grandfather was dying my kids were able to go to school and tell their classmates what was happening and then their entire class prayed for my grandfather (as Ben told the story he added, "Even Sister!"). When Grandpa's funeral was held (he belonged to the same parish as us) we learned that every time there is a funeral a class is sent over to attend the Mass so they can pray for the dead. How amazingly beautiful is that?
Pay no attention to the mural that literally and figuratively looks like Hell.
3 - It's the perfect size
One of my kids is dual-enrolled at the Catholic and public schools. At the public school when he is pulled out for extra help he is with four other kids, working at a table with one teacher. At the Catholic school he is in a class with 12 other kids and there is one other Kinder classroom. When he is pulled out for extra help he is by himself or with one other student and the teacher. At recess my first grader plays kickball with boys from his class and second and third grade. My kids, the oldest is in 3rd grade, know most of the other students at their school and they know who is siblings with who. That size means they are cared for and looked after by their fellow students and all the faculty and staff. When one child or team succeeds the whole school celebrates and when one child or family suffers the whole school rallies to support.
4 - The whole family is more connected with the parish
There is definitely a wide variety of people involved at our parish but, for us, it has worked out that because of the way our family has benefited from the parish ministry that is the parochial school we have also been more inclined to partake in other parish events. Our children are comfortable at our church and we all know they are welcome there so penance services, adoration, Holy Week Masses, parish retreats, speakers, and yardwork clean-up days - we attend these events without batting an eye. Doing so has broadened our connections and friends beyond the school pick-up line and our small groups. It feels good to give back to and be engaged with a parish that has given us so much.
5 - Academically it's just as good if not better
Yes, the building is old, but the technology is good and the teachers are excellent. Beginning in Kindergarten students are having experiences in public speaking by doing readings at the weekly All School Mass. The school has been recognized nationally for its excellence in academics and it's not uncommon for the local public and Catholic high schools to have the Valedictorian be from our elementary school. Along with the core classes, students have Religion, Spanish, Computer Class, and even Art. Sports, band, and choir are available. My children are learning, having fun, and surrounded by people who love Christ and His Church. It's literally the answer to our prayers.
I know that we are incredibly fortunate to live in a town with good public and parochial schools. I would love to hear about the things that make your Catholic school great! And if you live in my area and you're interested in learning more about our school please feel free to contact me.
Here's a good ole fashioned Day in the Life post, complete with photos, some unedited to really throw it back to old school blogging. This is from yesterday and I did a mix of typing in chunks - so some of the time is 'ish' (like 9:15-ish) - and typing as I went - so some of the time is accurate. Some of it is summary and some of it is commentary but please note that this was both an ordinary day and a not so ordinary day. Usually I stay in bed until 6:30 and my kids do not get fresh, warm coffee cake for breakfast. Also, Mondays - Wednesdays we have morning activities but I'm thinking of keeping Thursdays to myself. It is so nice to have a long day at home (even if that means the mid-day transfer).
Okay, here goes!
4:23 - Thomas wakes up. Nurse him in the living room, like always. Listen to the downpour and feel bad for the garbage man who will have stinky, soggy trash to deal with.
4:37 - Lay back down in bed, super thirsty but don't drink anything and try to will myself back to sleep so I can sorta take a sorta accurate temp at 5am for my nfp charting. Dose off at some point.
5:00 - Alarm goes off, I take temp and wonder if I should go back to sleep or stay up.
5:30 - Stay up. I head to the kitchen and immediately start mixing up a double batch of coffee cake.
5:35 - Remember to turn on Mother Assumpta praying the rosary. (This is a tip I just learned on Instagram - a woman named Becky shared it on one of my pictures and I LOVED it! I pray along with the nuns when I can but I let them pray for me when the kids or life interrupt. Plus, as Becky stated, it creates an incredibly calm and beautiful atmosphere in our home and hopefully for the rest of their lives the rosary will remind my kids of peaceful times at home. Hopefully.)
5:38 - Travis comes out, ready for work. I stop the coffee cake and turn on the coffee for him. We discuss his work day, a bill, what time he'll be home, and dinner plans (pizza party for Mary's birthday!)
5:40 - Travis leaves, travel cup filled with coffee. (Because it's the little things, right? And in our marriage, me making him hot coffee for his morning commute is a way I can communicate my love to him... when he's not communicating his love to me by letting me sleep in.)
5:50 - Coffee cake goes in the oven. I check Facebook and then turn off the kitchen light, but leave the light on over the sink, and then walk around the house lighting candles, knowing the kids will love it as much as I do. Tidy up a bit as I go.
6:00 - I pour myself some coffee, put on a classical music playlist, and sit down with my Bible, opening it to the end of Mark, which I finished yesterday. Think about if I should read Mark again, choose another Gospel, or do an epistle. Say a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit and then...
6:10 - James calls out for his dad; I see him at the end of the hall so I turn on the light and invite him to come to me. We sit on the sofa together, snuggling in the dark, candlelit room.
6:15 - I wonder about getting up Bennet and Lydia, whose bus will come in 45 minutes but just then Ben comes into the living room, fully dressed and checking out the candles.
6:18 - L comes out and sits on the sofa, commenting on the candles. Ben asks if he can light up the jack-o-lantern which I currently have displayed as just a pumpkin because it's only September 8th. I tell him yes, because why not?, and then we go to the basement to find another votive candle, me carrying a folding chair and laundry basket with me.
6:20 - I put the chair away, fill the laundry basket with the kids' whites from the dryer, and walk back upstairs with Ben, who grabs and the matches and happily sets up his jack-o-lantern. I pull the coffee cake out of the oven.
6:25 - I begin to pack the kids' lunches and discuss which fruit option they all want. (Applesauce, apple slices, or grapes? And you better eat it, too!) Jofis comes down the hall and into the kitchen with his blankie over his head "wooooooo"ing and for the one thousandth time we all cry out, "There's a ghost in the house!" He pulls the blankie off, showing a huge grin and we all say, "Oh it's just Jofis!"
6:35 - I slice up and serve the coffee cake to JF, Ben, Jofish, and L. We pray the Morning Offering and Grace. I pick up a few things in the living room and grab a brush, ponytail holder, and bow. While L eats I do her hair.
6:45 - I go back to making the kids' lunches. Fill the water bottles, put everything in the bookbags, ask Ben if his homework is in his bag, thank the kids for bringing their plates to the sink and then send them to the bathroom to wash their hands and brush their teeth.
6:55 - Step outside to check how hard it's raining. Hear the kids' bus and call them out. Watch them run down the drive as I yell, like every day, "I love you. Have fun and make good choices." Watch the bus drive away and feel really content because they love school and I love our life. That sounds really cheesy and chipper but it's true and I'm grateful.
7:00 - Take a picture of the cake mix box and blue frosting to share on social media as a reminder that today's the Blessed Mother's birthday. PBS Kids gets turned on.
7:05 - Make breakfast for myself - eggs + bacon, wrapped in a tortilla. Freshen my coffee and sit down with my breakfast, planner, and Bible. Look over the day, my prayer intentions, my to-do's. Decide to go with an epistle and open my Bible to Titus. See that it's super short and dive in, reading the intro and first chapter. Sit with a couple of verses, thinking them over and praying about them, looking at my own life in comparison.
7:38 - Get Thomas out of his crib. Take him to the living room to nurse. Resa wakes up and comes out in the meantime.
7:40 - Change diapers, wash hands, get breakfast for Resa.
7:55 - Wash breakfast dishes. Decide to start this blog post, despite the fact that it has so far been an unusual and not at all typical day.
8:20 - JF gets on bus. I turn on PBS Kids.
8:25 - Play with Tee on the floor, watch the rain, freshen coffee.
8:45 - Put Tee in highchair for breakfast. Work on blog post while he eats.
8:50 - Draw bath for Jofis and Resa, divvy out bath toys and make a firm warning of "no shampoo or conditioner!"
9:15 - Tee is done with breakfast. Wipe him off and dump all crumbs on floor. Vacuum floor. Decide to cut his super long hair. Cut too much, giving him a "Caesar" haircut straight outta 1996.
9:30 - Kids are done with bath. While Tee plays in living room, go to bathroom to wash Jofis and Resa's hair. Tidy bathroom, note ring in tub that needs to be cleaned, turn off light.
9:40 - Put lotion and clothes on kids; brush their hair. Tell them to play while I work on blogging.
10:00 - Pull Tee out from under the table and lay him down for a nap. Try putting a pretty Cinderella dress on Resa only to have her take it off because it's itchy. Put on Halloween music at Jofis' request, pass out bananas, refill water, work on editing pictures for a blog post.
10:23 - Realize that I have to pick James up in 50 minutes and dash off to the shower, updating this blog post first - of course.
10:25 - Plug in computer to recharge, make bed, attend to personal hygene, try blow-drying hair to control frizz and fail.
10:55 - Exit room looking absolutely fabulous! (in yoga pants and a shirt I've already worn once this week.) Round up the kids and send them to the van. Wake a sleeping baby and notice how bad his hair looks. Shoot.
11:02 - Everyone is buckled in. I put Sara Groves in the cd player and we are rolling.
11:05 - Arrive at the public school. Sign JF out, chat with his aid, allow JF to carry the huge rainbow umbrella which means I walk in the rain. Whatevs.
11:15 - JF is buckled in and eating his lunch, we head over to the parochial school.
11:23 - Arrive at parochial school. JF and Resa need to use the bathroom. Jofis requests "Train Song" so I put in Johnny Cash cd and play "Orange Blossom Special." Take the two in for the bathroom and check in at the office. Go back to van so JF can finish his lunch. Just as I'm about to record a *brilliant* Instagram Story JF tells me he's done with his lunch and ready to go in.
11:40 - Take JF down to his classroom. (As an aside, JF *really* likes routine and he really likes me. He dislikes change and being on his own. We had just gotten to a point where he was comfortable doing drop off when there was outdoor recess. I would park by the sidewalk to the playground, his friends and siblings would help him out of the van, and I could drive away with him happy. But indoor recess is different and we're working on what to do. If you could say a prayer for us that would be great. I don't feel bad for him - I feel bad for the staff having to deal with my crying kid.)
11:50 - Chat with the principal and Spanish teacher about how I should best get James in school on indoor recess days.
11:55 - Back in the van, driving home.
12:05 - Put Tee in the high chair, cut up a banana and give him some Ritz crackers. Make salami and butter sandwiches for Resa, Jofis, and me while I watch the latest season of Once Upon a Time on Netflix. Call kids to the table, catch up this blog post, eat sandwich.
12:25 - Wipe down Tee, dump crackers on floor. Nurse Tee in family room and try to ignore the curtains that Jofis has arranged. Put him down so he can play, watch him do the worm across the floor. (Seriously, that's how he crawls. It's amazing.) Scroll through FB and IG.
12:40 - Begin to work on scouting stuff. Almost cry. Want to quit. Record an Instagram Story about it. Literally put head on counter. Sigh a bunch. Send a bunch of texts to Travis. Put Tee down for a nap. Email people. Continue to want to cry. Wonder how in the world other people do it. Resist the urge to drink or eat a bunch of chocolate.
1:24 - Bake Mary's birthday cake while watching Once Upon a Time so I can forget how dumb I feel for not understanding what the hell I'm supposed to be doing so my kids can have a wonderful time in Scouts. Okay, bake the cake.
1:41 - Cake in oven. Update calendar with all sorts of stuff. Text Travis about a sitter and camp and all kinds of stuff.
2:05 - Decorate family altar (aka the buffet) with all things Mary for her birthday. Tell kids it's time to turn off My Little Ponies and play.
2:27 - Tidy kitchen. Again. Get distracted and tidy living room. While taking dirty bib to laundry shoot remember ring in tub. Clean tub, sink, and toilet - praying for Steve Husband as I always do. Refill handsoap, clean master bath. Use term "master" loosely. Daydream of having more money so we can re-do the bathroom - at least the vanity!- and then the carpets... and then the windows... and then tell Jofis that he shouldn't play with the light saber in the bathroom. On the way back to kitchen notice the curtains in the family room and tidy family room, like 50%.
2:53 - Get back to kitchen. Unload and load dishwasher.
3:05 - Get Tee out of the crib. Nurse him and miss a phone call. Tell kids to get their shoes on. Change a poopy diaper. Tell kids to get their shoes on. Put Tee in carseat. Yell at kids for not having their shoes on; send shoeless kids to van.
3:15 - Head to parochial school to get kids, forgetting that we're done with the heat schedule so *errbody* (read: all public and private schools) is getting out at the same time and the drive is a bit slower.
3:30 - Arrive at school, unload three kids, walk over to where the kids are let out, count to six over and over and over again as I keep track of my kids. Load six kids (all mine) into van and head home. Tear up a little bit listening to this Sara Groves song:
3:55 - Daddy's home!!!!!! Unload. Yell at one kid who is pouting. Remind two kids to bring in their bookbags. Carry in baby Tee, noticing his haircut. geesh. Tell the kids they can only watch PBS Kids - no Netflix. Chat with Travis. Look through mail. Ask Trav to make pizza dough so it can rise while he runs to bank.
4:10 - Begin frosting cake. Drop the knife repeatedly. Clean up blue frosting from floor, kitchen cabinets, and my clothes. Praise Ben for his A+ spelling test. Praise L for seeing her brother in need and helping him without asking.
4:23 - Finish icing cake. Check out FB and IG. Yell at kids about after-school stuff. Look over L's homework. Put Tee in crib for nap. Take multiple phone calls reminding me about stuff.
4:38 - Go outside to pick oregano and begin sauce for pizza. Travis comes home and we have talk, argue, talk, hug, laugh, talk. He goes to living room with kids and I stay in kitchen a l o n e !
The rest of the evening went something like this: make dairy free pizza, burn my finger on the pizza pan, eat dinner with my finger in a glass of ice water, listen to four kids praise the pizza - one kid state she does not like the dairy free cheese - and Travis say nothing which means he also does not like the DF cheese but is kind enough to eat it for the sake of the rest of us, clear the table, quiz kids on spelling words, work on sight words, sing happy birthday to Mary, eat white cake with blue frosting, clean kitchen while slopping water all over the place (my finger is still in ice water) sorta oversee pj's and brushed teeth and clean diapers (were applicable), nurse baby Tee and put him down for bed - all still with my finger in the glass of ice water. Kids in bed by 8. Kitchen clean by 8:25. Finger still throbbing at 8:30 so some pain meds and then off to bed.
In between hanging up Travis' work shirts, feeding the kids an after-school snack, and dinner prep I want to squeeze in a note to share something that struck me last week while reading the Gospel of Mark.
The passage was Mark 15:21. They pressed into service a passer-by, Simon, a Cyrenian, who was coming in from the country, the father of Alexander and Rufus, to carry his cross.
That's it. One sentence in one little section in the larger story of Christ's passion. But for the first time ever I noticed that Alexander and Rufus are named in a way that seems, at least to me, that the readers of Mark's Gospel would know who they are. "Alexander and Rufus - you know the brothers who are a part of our congregation? It was their dad - their dad! - who helped Jesus carry His cross!" And then all the people hearing the Gospel proclaimed would look at Alexander and Rufus and say, "Wow. I didn't know. Our Rufus and Alexander!"
This realization struck my mother's heart deep and instantly I said, "Simon of Cyrene, pray for me. Pray for me to share the Gospel with my kids. Be the patron of my parenthood. Help me to share the story of my personal encounter with Christ to my children so that their lives will be changed. Pray that I will lead my children so they have their own encounters with Jesus. Pray that our home and their hearts will be filled with the grace that they will grow up knowing, believing, and loving God as your own sons did."
That's it. That's all I've got. But if you, like me, are looking for every help Heaven can offer as you raise your kids to love God then maybe this will speak to your heart, too.
"The next day as they were leaving Bethany He was hungry. Seeing from a distance a fig tree in leaf, He went over to see if He could find anything on it. When He reached it He found nothing but leaves; it was not the time for figs. And He said to it in reply, "May no one ever eat of your fruit again!" ... Early in the morning as they were walking along, they saw the fig tree withered to its roots."
Mark 11:12-14, 20
Thursday was the third day I went back to this passage in Mark during my quiet time. I read it and then read it again, each time more slowly. I sat with it on Tuesday, on Wednesday, and again yesterday.
It seemed like such an over-reaction from Jesus - from God - and it bothered me. "Lord, I don't understand. 'It was not the time for figs.' You made nature, You set the rules. Why should the fig tree be cursed and die just because it was doing what it was doing - it was what it was. 'It was not the time for figs.' It couldn't help the fact that it wasn't bearing fruit.
The footnote said that the fig tree really represents Israel, which had stopped bearing fruit, that it is a "parable in action." It still seemed rather unfortunate for the fig tree.
I sat with it longer and asked, "If I am the fig tree are You going to curse me? What fruit am I not bearing? But what if the only reason I'm not bearing the fruit is because it's not the time for figs! It's just not the season of life for me to be producing! That's not fair!"
And then I saw it. I saw how I was hiding behind the excuse, clinging to it, shoving it in God's face. "IT'S NOT THE TIME FOR FIGS!"
But God sees past the excuses.
Now I am not a theologian and I know nothing of fig trees that grow in the Middle East, but I noticed that when our Lord looked at the tree the only thing He found was leaves. Not remnants of fruit just harvested, not blossoms for fruit to come, just leaves. Lots of beautiful leaves. The tree looked nice, it looked like it should have something for Him, it looked healthy and lush. So maybe the tree thought it was doing well and others would even say, "Oh how lovely!" Maybe well meaning people would even tell it, "It's okay that you're not bearing fruit right now. It's not the time for figs. In this season of your life you can just be what you are - look you're even providing shade!"
And I saw myself in the tree and in all the excuses I use and all the beauty in my life that I hide behind, hoping that they will be distracting enough that no one will notice what I could and should have but what I lack instead.
Of course there are seasons of life. There are times when we have to step back, say "no," and things may even look barren to an outsider. But God should be the one to give us permission instead of us giving excuses to God. God should be the one to tell us, "It is not the time for you to do this. It is not the time for figs." God, who has our best interest at Heart, will lovingly care for us, protect us, and build us up. He will nurture us until it is time for us to go out again, bearing visible fruit. But in the meantime there will be growth. Our roots will deepen, our limbs with stretch, our trunks will strengthen.
I guess what I'm trying to say with all this flowery language is that I think the fig tree had stopped producing figs and just become a tree. It was no longer being what it was intended to be. It may have been a lovely tree but it was a horrible fig tree and that was its failure.
I may be a really nice person. My life my look swell and I may seem to have my stuff together. I may even seem successful. But God has intended for me to be a saint. If I am a lovely person but a horrible saint then I, too, am a failure. I may put on a good show - I may even be beautiful, happy, and successful - but in the end I will be withered to my roots for all eternity with only my excuses to still cling to.
Going forward I know that I will turn this into a prayer - an inside joke of sorts between my Lord and myself. As I evaluate my works, my time, and my projects I will ask Him, "Is this the time for figs?" As I examine my days, my relationships, and my choices I will ask Him, "Is this the time for figs?" I'm sure that my stupid pride and stubbornness will mean I will continue to make excuses, but I am hopeful that I will listen more.
"The glory of God is man fully alive." St. Irenaeus
When sweet baby Tee was not even two months old we called in the troops, headed to the last Sunday Mass of the day, and had our son baptized.
Friends and family came for the event, which was really wonderful - to look out over the pews and see so many of our loved ones. It was laid back, with kids wandering and toddling about. But the deacon didn't mind one bit, and nor did we.
Resa got a good sniff of the chrism right before it was used on Tee's forehead.
Love this moment.
And here's the godparents, our good friends Justin and Ruth, the newest little Catholic, and hubby and me. We're a happy bunch. :)
We followed the Sacrament up with a cook-out at our house.
I ended up loving the little "tablescape" I set up. A sweet little gift from his mormor. Holy water from the baptismal font. Handmade namesake peg dolls: Thomas Aquinas and Fr. Emil Kapaun. A Hatch print that Katrina sent as a "Hello, Baby!" gift. His baptismal candle. A Fr. Kapaun holy card. A rosary from his godparents. And the baptismal gown that was handmaid by my friend Sr. Marie Noelle, OP. (It's too small for my big babies so we use it as the white garment that is laid on the baby instead of the felt thingy from the parish.
And, of course, we had to find a way to bring our man Fulton Sheen into the day. I thought this quotes was a good one.
It was a beautiful day. We are so grateful for our faith, our friends and family, and our sweet baby Tee.
One hundred and forty women came from Minnesota, Missouri, Virginia, Colorado, Wisconsin, Kentucky, Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Iowa, and Illinois for a simple women's conference in central Illinois. The game plan was simple: bring in some dynamic speakers, add some fresh flowers and home baked cookies, and put them all in a church hall. Don't charge too much and invite women who love God and want to have a good time. It worked.
Friday night was a Girls' Night Out. It was a blast. The location was beautiful, the food was delicious, and the wine was fantastic. Local friends loaned me their Marian statues so each table had a different image of our Lady - the woman whose Fiat has echoed down through the centuries. Jenna Guizar spoke about Blessed Is She - the official co-host and sponsor of the event - and Marie Miller gave a concert. Marie kicked off the second half of the night with karaoke and dancing. It was a blast.
Saturday we started a bit later so women could get in an extra hour of sleep. We had fresh fruit, coffee and creamer, coloring pages, hand-stamped "fiat" necklaces, and more fresh flowers. It was a beautiful, sunny morning and we were so excited to start the day.
Meg started our morning off with a wonderful talk on the difference between seeking God and seeking God's will. Jenna ended our day by challenging us to say "no" so we could say "yes." Her line "if the devil can't make us evil he'll make us busy" cut right to the quick.
Shanon at Organic Mama's Shop donated the pens. My friend Katie hand stamped each "fiat" and made the necklaces along with making the coloring sheets for us.
Our breakout speakers were Colleen, Annie, Sr. Clara, Laura, Nancy, and Marie. They spoke about missionary work, infertility, finding your "yes," suffering, hobbies, and state of life. They were all fabulous - at least that's what I heard. I was so busy working behind the scenes I only caught glimpses of the various talks. I wish I could tell you that the talks are all available but in keeping with the laid back and simplicity we did not have any equipment to do that. You and I can suffer that together.
At one point in the day Nell - our truly fabulous emcee - grabbed my phone so she could get a picture of me and the conference I helped create. I love looking at this picture of me, wearing baby Tee. I think I have a charism for founding conferences. ;)
To the women who believed in our vision and spent the weekend with us: Thank you.
To Molly and Abbey who helped me establish this conference: Thank you.
To the women who helped make this conference a reality: Thank you.
to the women (and men) who prayed for me and for the weekend and for all the women who attended as speakers or guests: Thank you.
For most of our marriage we had a variety of friends spread out in a variety of places. I had lots of mom friends and Travis had his work friends and it was nice but also lonely. While we had friends we did not have a community, and it was a community that we were really craving.
At the time we were still living in The Dump and we knew we wanted to move. We had put our eldest in the parochial school one town over and the thirty minute, round trip drive twice a day over country roads was killing me. We lived in a town that didn't have a grocery store, a public library, a Catholic church, or even another young, Catholic family. We knew we needed to move closer to Travis' job, L's school, and all the other amenities we missed.
But really, my family moved to different a town so we could be more active in its parish and the parish school. We saw that the parish had good priests, solid ministries, orthodox faith, and a true love of Christ, despite its hideous mural behind the tabernacle.
Once there, I committed to the weekly moms' group - approximately 13 women who meet with all their non-school aged kids to work through a study.
We also began regularly attending the monthly Adoration group for families.
Travis joined the Men's Group, which is basically the husbands of all the moms' group women. They sit in a workshop, drink beer, eat peanuts, and either build things or light things on fire.
I also became involved with a monthly Moms' Night group that attracted even more women - women I had noticed at Mass or school pick up or at other events and was so grateful to get to know.
And over the weeks and months and now years I began to really know and trust many of these people. Many of their kids are growing up with my kids and while we are all at slightly different places in our lives we are all walking together towards the same goal.
This was really great - a huge step towards what I had craved for so long. But I also noticed that I didn't know how to narrow down the large group to really intentionally foster a few good relationships. It felt rude to not always include everyone all the time but the sheer numbers were paralyzing. And then I saw something that was eye-opening for me.
At a friend's birthday party I was sitting at a table with various women, all of whom I knew to varying degrees and all of whom have children older than mine. They openly discussed their upcoming Super Bowl party, a party I was not invited to. It was just for that group of friends, who had raised their kids together, whose husbands were friends, who had known each other for years. I didn't feel left out, in fact I felt relieved! The community that I had so badly craved for so long was possible! Other people had formed and found their places in them and I could too! Our larger group of wonderful families had already broken down into smaller groups while still remaining part of that larger community.
These smaller groups were not cliques - they are not exclusive or elite - but they are the result of a natural growth towards people with similar interests, beliefs, and season of life.
With that new understanding I stood back and I looked at the women in my community and saw the friendships that existed already. I thought about Jesus and Peter and James and John - how they are often listed together, just the four of them, in a way that seems to say they were besties. I thought about the women I was most drawn to and realized we were already there. Our husbands were already good friends, as were our kids.
And so, unapologetically I have sought them out as individuals and as a group and in doing so the gestures were reciprocated. Little by little, but also not very slowly, my family has found its place. We have a niche where we are appreciated and cared for. We belong with a circle of friends and I look forward to many years of knowing, serving, and loving them better. I hope I am able to help them carry their crosses and celebrate their joys and successes. I hope that our friendships will bring us all closer to Christ, who I thank for answering my many prayers.
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend."
If you read the daily devotions from Blessed Is She than you might have already seen me over there today. In reading today's Gospel I was reminded of one of my favorite ways to pray - simple but powerful - and since it was a tip I didn't receive until later in life I wanted to be sure to pass it on.
Catholic vocab lesson: an “aspiration” is a short prayer, a one liner that says it all without many words.
“I do believe, help my unbelief,” is one such aspiration. The father in today’s Gospel called it out to Jesus in desperation and, truthfully, it is one of my favorite lines of Scripture. I can relate to the sentiment strongly—a prayer asking God to fill in the gaps—and I pray it often, especially when I am struggling with Church teaching. “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”
You can read the rest here. If you've never used aspirations before I really encourage you to give them a try. I find that having the words written in my heart helps me to pray when I don't know how to pray.
And then there is something else I love: praying with other women of faith. I don't mean praying with holy rollers, or spotless and perfect women, or other youngish moms who meet a certain standard of being good enough. I mean that I love praying with a group of women who are real. Women who believe and who love God and sometimes are really struggling. Cross-carrying, doing-their-best, open-hearted women - that's what I mean.
If that's you then I hope you will be able to join a group of us this June at the Finding Your Fiat Conference. The conference is not a way for any of us to get rich - it really is just an opportunity to for women to get together so we can be encouraged and inspired, so we can love and worship God together, and so we can enjoy each other's companionship.
We are nearing capacity but there are still tickets available. (You can buy yours here.) AND there is still the opportunity for you to win one of TWO FREE tickets to the Finding Your Fiat Conference! The giveaway ends tomorrow night at midnight! Hustle over and enter!
L prefers this one. She loves the little dance he does (and so do I, really.)
2 - We have a lot of food allergies in our home and I have tried out a lot of recipes over the years. Just to review, JF and JP do not eat dairy, eggs, nuts, wheat, or tomatoes; Ben cannot have nuts; and I am currently dairy-free for Tee's sake. In case you're in a similar boat here's some recipes that some or all of us have enjoyed recently:
Easy Dairy Free Scones I made these with blueberries and a clementine glaze the other day - delicious!
Easy Biscuits Use water instead of milk for dairy free. I even substituted GF flour and added some herbs and they were still really good.
The Healthy Gluten-Free Life Cookbook (affiliate link)
This cookbook has been wonderful! I have tried so many online recipes which have been failures and so often allergy cookbooks don't cover all our bases. But this one has 200 recipes that are dairy, egg, soy, and gluten free. I can easily not use nuts for some but even with the ones that are based on nuts this book has been just awesome and I just had to share.
3 - Speaking of special needs (because I definitely think of the boys food allergies - especially JF's deadly allergy to dairy - as special needs), we are getting ready for JF going to Kindergarten next year and addressing his special needs. Our older kids are at our parish school but because of JF's apraxia he will need services that he can only get at our excellent public school. We're working with both principals to hopefully do a dual enrollment so he can have the best of both schools. At the encouragement of a friend of mine, who has spent many years advocating for her son, I made up an info sheet to pass out at JF's upcoming IEP meeting. I think it's such a good idea that I wanted to share an example in case it might be of help to anyone else. I used PicMonkey to make the section titles and then used Microsoft Publisher for the rest, but Word would work just as well I think.
4 - Earlier in the week I spoke live on Facebook, talking about a really wonderful video called Mercy is Greater, the book Beautiful Mercy, my fears, God's mercy and how I am supposed to live that out, and why I decided to start memorizing Scripture. Knowing that I was going to be sharing some personal stuff I was pretty nervous, which shows a bit in some slight rambling.
You can watch the Mercy is Greater video here, and you can go to my blog's Facebook page to watch the 12 minute video of me. And if you want to follow along and join me in memorizing Scripture please do. I will mostly be posting on Instagram, and mostly as a way to keep myself accountable to my goal of daily reading a chapter of the Bible, doing spiritual reading, and working on my memory verse.
5 - My nerves (and the tears) in the video meant that I forgot to mention something.
I wanted to say that my friend, Heather Renshaw, has been a major influence in my understanding the importance of Scripture memorization. Heather frequently peppers her conversations with Scripture. It's something I noticed while recording The Visitation Project with her (and maybe you've noticed to when you listen) and I've seen that same act in Facebook conversations and in offline conversations, too. She has used Scripture to bring hope, comfort, and praise into so many situations and often in situations where I didn't know what to say but Heather did because she has so much Scripture tucked in her heart. I see that as mercy in action.
The two verses I have memorized so are: Galations 5:22 and Philipeans 1:6. Look them up - they're good.
6 - Maybe you saw already, by the last Breakout Speaker for the Finding Your Fiat Conference was announced - Sr. Clara from the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary.
We have so many great speakers coming - it's an incredible line-up. I hope you can join us and be there, too. To learn more and buy your ticket visit our website.
7 - I don't really think these were so quick so I'll just end here with a big THANK YOU to Kelly at This Ain't the Lyceum for being hilarious and for hosting the link-up each week.
Another one came in the mail yesterday. It was our third.
A postcard with a cool graphic and non religious-y buzz words.
"Modern"
"Elevate"
"High Energy"
"Dynamic Videos"
"Engaging Music"
One's goal is to be "the funnest place on Earth." Another promotes it's subwoofers and media.
So if that's what you're wanting, those places are there for you.
But I'm going to ask you a question, the same question that was asked of Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb on the very first Easter Sunday. "Who are you looking for?" (John 20:15) And along with that question I ask you, "What are you looking for?"
Are you looking for Christ? Are you looking for the Church He founded? Are you looking for Truth? Are you looking for answers to questions like "What is the purpose of life?" and "Why do we suffer?" Are you looking for an encounter with the Creator, the Savior, the Holy Spirit?
Are you looking to be entertained? Or are you looking for God?
If you are looking for God, He is waiting for you in the tabernacle at your local Catholic Church.
Jesus Christ told us that He was the manna sent down from Heaven and unless we ate His Flesh and drank His Blood we would not have life within us. (John 6: 43, 53) We believe that on Holy Thursday Christ fulfilled those words by instituting the Eucharist (the consecrated Host) at the Last Supper. We believe that on Good Friday Jesus the Nazarene suffered and died by crucifixion, a punishment He took on to save us from our sins. We believe that on Easter Sunday Christ rose from the dead, conquering death and sin. We believe that Jesus established a Church and that Church still exists today. (Matthew 16:18-19)
I invite you to join Catholics around the world this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Experience the Passion and Resurrection of our Lord and Savior. He loves you and He is waiting to have a personal encounter with you through the grace-filled Sacraments of the Catholic Church. If you are looking for God this is where He is.
I don't have a bunch of buzz words to throw at you about how awesome your experience will be at Mass. In fact, depending on your local parish the music may be horrible, the architecture ugly, and the preaching uninspiring. But that doesn't change the fact that God is waiting for you in the tabernacle. His grace is waiting for you in the Sacraments.
If you are looking to be entertained, well, go ahead and attend one of those other churches. But if you are looking for God and Truth and His Church then come home to the Catholic Church.
Yesterday Travis and I were in different cities for Mass. I was on my own to tell JP and JF repeatedly that palm fronds are not light sabers while nursing baby Tee during a 25 minute homily. There should be a direct order from the USCCB that all homilies on Palm Sunday must be under 10 minutes. Let's get going on that.
So obviously my Holy Week was off to a holy start. ;)
Today is for playing catch up after a weekend that included my brother in law's wedding and our friends' daughter's baptism. Today's ultimate goal, though, is low to no stress. JF's allergies and asthma created a couple of incidents (hives at the rehearsal dinner and a nebulizer treatment during the wedding) so I'm ready to keep it low key.
Bullet journals are all the rage right now, right? So here's mine for the week, but typed out in a blog post instead of actually written in a neat bullet journal.
My hopes for the rest of the week:
Monday: light cleaning and groceries
Tuesday: catching up on laundry and doing last Sunday's Mass Box craft with the older kids.
Wednesday: hiding 30 pieces of silver (aka quarters from my Paradise Falls jar) for Resa, JP and JP and attending evening adoration with the family
Thursday: attending Holy Thursday service with the family - we haven't done this for a few years but I think the older kids will enjoy it and the younger kids will be given a low bar and fruit snacks.
Friday: bake hot cross buns in the morning, do Stations of the Cross with the kids at noon, have quiet from noon til three, attend Good Friday service
Saturday: clean the house, no tv, celebrate Travis' birthday with good friends
Sunday: 7am Mass, Easter umbrella baskets, feast and celebrate!
And really, most of it I'm not committed to, their just goals.
Cue the boiling water and the crying baby at the same time! I'm hoping you have a grace-filled, fruitful Holy Week.
Last night Travis and I loaded all the kids into our van and drove across town to attend the weekly Thursday night adoration.
We had been meaning to go for a very long time and often one of us would remind the other on Wednesday, "Tomorrow is adoration and we should go!" Thursday Travis would come home from work and one of us would say, "Don't let me forget about adoration!" And then we'd both forget, remembering just in time for it to be too late to attend.
But last night we had an early dinner and the kids' homework was finished and we remembered and so we went.
There were ten or fifteen other people there, all adults, and they all sat with God in the silence. And we came bumbling in, with boots and coats and children's bibles, and one-two-three-four-five kids and a newborn. We sat in the back, hoping to be as inconspicuous as possible. The baby fussed until he latched on to nurse. The two year old took out hymnals and dropped a few with a thud on the floor. Both girls had to use the bathroom.
We made it almost thirty minutes. They weren't awesome, but I was able to squeeze in a some prayers and so was my husband and maybe so were my kids. Travis didn't feel quite as positively about it as I did but no one glared so I thought we could try it again.
And then Travis got a phone call. One of the women who had been at adoration with us went home, looked up our phone number in the church directory, and called him just so she could let us know that she was glad we were there. She was glad we brought our children. She thought he was a good father and doing a great job and she hoped we would be back because what a wonderful thing - for a family to attend adoration together.
And I realized that there have been so many stories of times we weren't welcome at church but not enough stories of all the times we were. Those who grumble have no place here, not in this post, because there are Catholic churches that are filled with people who are so glad families are there, who are so grateful for the presence of children.
That woman who called us last night was a great gift for us in our parenting and so are all the people - most of them empty nesters and grandparents - who have taken the time to greet us before or after Mass, to shake our hands, to meet our children, to compliment our kids, to reminisce about when they were raising their four-five-six kids.
Our fellow parishioners have told us about their grandchildren who live far away. They have thanked us for our generosity in being open to life. One woman crocheted us a baby blanket and hat. When I was missing from Mass after giving birth many approached Travis and asked about the baby. Each Sunday Judy slaps Travis' back and tells him what a good man he is and shakes our kids' hands. Each Sunday our priests chat with our children and converse with us.
We are welcomed at Mass. We were welcomed at adoration. We are welcome at church.
#wewerewelcomed #letthechildrencometoHim
Image by Stefan Kunze
If you have a positive story to tell of a time when you and your family were welcomed at church please feel free to share in my combox, on your own blog, or on social media. Use the hashtags #wewerewelcomed #letthechildrencometoHim so we can encourage one another and thank the Body of Christ.
