I knew that we already live paycheck to paycheck and this was not the best time for another mouth to feed.
I remembered quite well the traumatic experiences I've had surrounding the last few births and knew I am not yet emotionally healed from them.
I knew we no longer had a lot of the baby equipment needed and I wasn't quite sure just where this new person would sleep or sit in the mini van.
But I couldn't stop smiling.
In the days and weeks that followed that positive ept Travis and I have felt a lot of worry. I keep praying to God, trying to figure out what He wants us to do. Does He have some kind of plan that will ease up our financial worries? Is He asking us to carry the cross of financial hardship for the rest of our foreseeable lives? And to put it bluntly, with all these mathematically improbable babies I've had I'm wondering if He's asking me to just keep having babies or to not have sex until after menopause.
But then I'd feel the baby move inside of me and it was hard to feel anything but love and joy. This pregnancy was not planned, but this baby is so very wanted.
And it turns out, that while many people have remained silent or have only offered a smile-less "congratulations," there are many, many people who are happy for us.
At this point I don't know what to say because every time I try to muster the adequate words I am left speechless.
It is so beautifully humbling that the people I view as towers, women I feel unworthy to call friends, people whose character, virtue, and lives I admire - when they bend down to scoop me up - there just aren't words. Only tears of gratitude.
As soon as we discovered we were pregnant we had friends send us gift cards to the local grocery store and surprise us with gifts for the baby to show us that they were happy for us.
|A box of books arrived for all my kiddos|
When I went to the hospital and came home for a week and half of bed rest we had people send us gift cards and bring us meals. Friends who took care of my kids, cleaned my home, and watered my flowers.
|A lovely spiritual bouquet|
Then there are the countless people who prayed and continue to pray for our family.
When so much love and generosity is poured out, my words seem so little, but they are sincere.
That's wonderful! :-) Smiles all around!ReplyDelete
That's wonderful! :-) Smiles all around!ReplyDelete
We love you, Bonnie! <3ReplyDelete
Bonnie!!! You are awesome and you have an awesome family!ReplyDelete
You are loved, Bonnie! Enjoy stitching :) muah!ReplyDelete
Love this, Bonnie. Beautiful. Continued prayers!ReplyDelete
Love it. ❤️ReplyDelete
From the gal who got a beach chair through your generous efforts: YOU DESERVE IT LADY!!! When the world doesn't understand, we do! Lots of hugs and love to you!! MWAH!!ReplyDelete
Thank you for letting us love you, Bonnie. Graces have been poured into our hearts through the opportunity to give to you and support you and your family in this way - this is the beauty of the body of Christ working together and loving one another for the glory of God.ReplyDelete
Okay - you know that was me, right, and not my hubby?? ;)Delete
You're a dear, Bonnie! Hoping you're feeling well, thanks for being such an inspiration to me. God Bless that little bambino!ReplyDelete
I'm so glad. I do empathize with the mixed feelings. My baby is 3yo, and I am almost 41. For whatever reason, another is not quickly coming. Each month I bipolar between "I hope I'm pregnant" to "This is not a good time" to "Please let my period start this time" to "Oh, it started. So disappointed"....ReplyDelete
This is beautiful. As soon as I heard your news, I was SO excited for you, but I figured there was lots of concern and uncertainty (sub in fear, frustration, shock, etc) on your end. This may be a cross for you and your family, but we both know the unending joy will supercede all those scary feelings regardless. Congrats again and I wish you all the best!ReplyDelete
I just want to share that I recently thought I could be pregnant as well. My husband isn't Catholic but thankfully is open to life. However, at this point in time I know it scares the crap out of him and myself for that matter. When people ask if we are having any more, I always respond that it is not our plan right now, but it might be God's. When I took the test it was so strange because I was talking to God saying "Oh I hope I am not preganant right now, but I believe in your plan if I am." My sister in law came out to tell me it was negative and this huge feeling of disappointment overcame me. So I know where you are coming from when you have these worries that tell you one thing but your heart and soul tell you something else. That is what is so beautiful about having faith....you get to trust your heart and soul! I am so happy for your new blessing on the way!ReplyDelete
The Mystical Body of Christ is so so so good. God bless you, Bonnie and that beautiful baby. Continued prayers for you and I'm so happy that you were showered so beautifully and taken care of during such a scary time! So much love for you and your beautiful family! <3ReplyDelete
So beautiful. God bless you and your whole family!ReplyDelete
Seems like I just can't keep up with the internet these days so I missed all of this. But I add my prayers to those who love you and rejoice with you over this new life! Love your new series. Fist bump of solidarity from a couch-bound pregnant mama of another unplanned pregnancy and kids who have to pay for their own sports and wear each others' clothes. It's a beautiful life... But it ain't easy. May God continue to bless you abundantly.ReplyDelete