The JOY of Sweet Miriam

Sweet MJ is sitting and eating baby food and has two teeth. She has the biggest, smoochiest cheeks and the sweetest personality. She's seven months old now, which seems like a good time to finally tell her birth story, which isn't really so much of a birth story but the story of a series of scary adventures sandwiched between something incredibly joyful. 

MJ was a planned c-section after a happy surprise, surprise pregnancy. In order to make things exciting, the day before the c-section things went a little crazy. L had a follow-up appointment with her cardiologist, first thing in the morning and while I was still in my bedroom the kids were in the kitchen fixing their breakfasts. JF went to take his daily allergy pill but instead of taking his pill he took my pill - the one for my gestational diabetes. L went to the cardiologist and JF went to the emergency room. There we were told he would have to stay overnight. "Okay. Good plan," I said. "One thing: tomorrow morning I'm supposed to have a c-section. How do you think we can work that out?" 

In a complicated scheme Travis stayed the night with JF and I woke up bright and early to drive myself to the hospital. In the meantime, my mom was at our house with Ben, Jofis, and Tee while Resa and L were at our friend Katie's home. As I got my IV Katie and the girls arrived to hang out with JF on the Peds floor while Travis came across the hospital to be with me. 

All the normal pre-op stuff happened. The only remarkable thing was that over and over again we were asked the gender and name for the baby and over and over again we told them that we didn't know the gender and the names were secrets. Everyone was so happy to hear it and said that probably only 2-4 moms a week will keep it all a secret. 

During the surgery the anesthesiologist chatted with Travis and I. I remember feeling anxious - both scared about the surgery and excited to meet my child. 

And then the best part of it all happened. My little baby girl was brought out of my womb and held up for Travis and I to see. Travis said, "She's a girl!" and we both had the BIGGEST, HAPPIEST grins on our faces. I can remember the JOY in the room at seeing her and discovering that she was a girl - just as I had wanted. I had prayed that God would give us a girl, one more girl, for quite awhile and all during her pregnancy I hoped and prayed that she was a girl. I remember her traveling to the little nurse table in the corner of the room so she could be assessed and cleaned and I watched her and said, "Hello, Miriam."

Several people in the room asked her name. "Miriam Joan," we told them and they all awed and commented about how beautiful her name was. When they brought her to me I was so happy. 

But you know, c-sections are sorta weird and holding her while they're cleaning out my uterus was weird. Here's a glamour shot of it. 

Once MJ and I were comfortably in our room Trav left us to bring the already discharged JF, Katie, and the girls to meet their baby sister. After their visit Katie and the girls went back to her house and our dear friend Joel came to the hospital to take JF home for us. People, it takes a village! 

Things went fairly well in the hospital though there was confusion about if she did or did not have a murmur and nursing and letting me sleep and, yeah, it wasn't my favorite hospital stay. 

MJ was born on the 8th and we went home on the 10th. We had a good first night but the next day I could not get her to eat. I tried skin to skin. I tried waking her up. I tried making her cold. Nothing worked and so on the 12th we took her to the doctor, got her bilirubin checked, and then headed back to the hospital for jaundice. Her bilirubin levels were critical and for the first 24 hours we could not take her out of her crib at all. She took bottles of my breastmilk under the lights. 

Eventually her numbers were high enough that I could try breastfeeding her again but she wouldn't latch. One of the best lactation consultants ever came and, again, I tried everything. Skin to skin, get her cold, tickle her, give her a bath, various positions - nothing worked to keep her stimulated. We finally figured out that if I gave her the bottle for two sucks, pop it out, two more sucks, pop it out, two more sucks, pop it out then I could latch her on and she'd nurse very happily. It was such a victory!

She was gaining weight and her jaundice had greatly improved. After two days she came home though we had to continue to monitor her with daily heel pricks for the week. The day after she came home her doctor from the hospital called to check on her and I finally realized just how worried he had been. God bless him. 

After one near - death experience she was officially an Engstrom! ;) Once she was home and we were both healthy we held her baptism. 

The dress she wore on her baptism is the same Teresa wore but she got a brand new pair of shoes.

Being baptized by Fr. Julius. MJ's godmother is our dear friend Patti, in the floral dress. 

Here she is with my Grandma and Grandpa W.

The baptismal gown was made by my friend Sr. Marie Noelle and has been worn by all my kiddos. 

She is just the sweetest. Here she is as a wee newborn...

... and here she is at seven months.

Our family feels perfect with Miriam and making her laugh is the best thing in the world. I'm so glad we have her. Thanks be to God for her. 

Heart Surgery Recovery

As soon as we shared our news that our eldest daughter, L, had two congenital heart defects and would need open heart bypass surgery people have been awesome. Like "The Body of Christ can move mountains" awesome. Like every dot, flower, and thorn painted with the Sacred and Immaculate Hearts above represents a prayer, a sacrifice, a rosary, a Mass offered up for my daughter, and those are only the ones that were submitted online. But every time we take a long look at that painting I am overwhelmed by the goodness of others and the way God is glorified by your works. 

The first Tuesday night in May Resa, L, and I sat around our dining room table with L's godmother, Katie, making invitations to their angel penguin birthday party. The next morning, with invites in the mail, I was sitting at my weekly moms' group when I got the phone call from the pediatric cardiologist's scheduler: there was an opening for surgery a week from Thursday. Did we want L to get it? We wanted L's surgery to happen before my c-section so we said Yes and then our life changed gears super fast.

All the potential party-goers were contacted and told that the birthday party would not be later in the month but in three days. The school, whose principal had already said L's last day could be whenever we needed it to be, was told that her last day would be in a week. We made arrangements for L to receive Anointing of the Sick before the surgery, for someone to be with our other kids, for Travis to be off work, for all our "i"s to be dotted and our "t"s crossed. 

The morning of L's surgery everyone got up early and headed to the 7am Mass. We had been given special permission for L to receive a very teeny tiny bit of Holy Communion. Fr. Julius prayed for L  at Mass and asked everyone present to pray for her throughout the day. In fact, a friend of our's had arranged with our priests for there to be all day adoration with a special request for people to pray for L. Parishioners would be at our church until 7pm praying for L and during the school day each grade took a turn before the Blessed Sacrament to pray for our daughter. 

Immediately after Mass our family headed over to the parish school and waited in the gym. Our pastor had arranged with the principal for there to be an all-school assembly immediately following Morning Announcements so that the whole school would be part of the prayers offered during L's reception of the Anointing of the Sick. It was awesome. Our family stood with her on that gymnasium floor as Fr. Julius administered the Sacrament. 

We then headed over to the Children's Hospital of Illinois, Travis, L, and me. From the tremendous outpouring on the blog, Facebook, and Instagram we knew that people were praying for us all over the country and world, and when combined with the powerful experiences at our parish we knew that we were being absolutely covered in prayer and graces. We were afraid and anxious but I can say with confidence that those prayers helped to bring us peace and calm our concerns. We were bowled-over by how many had pledged their prayers and we walked into the hospital knowing that you all were with us as we went.  

Some of Travis' students had made a special blanket for L when they heard about her surgery and as she waited for her surgery she wrapped herself in it. It was covered with hearts, the symbol of love, and anchors, the symbol of hope. I loved it. 

As we waited in the pre-op area we were again blessed in a special way. The hospital is a Catholic one, and in more than name only. The people who update loved ones throughout the operation process are from the chaplain's office. The man who just happened to be assigned to us is also a deacon at our parish's sister parish. He was able to give us a special blessing and as he prayed over us the nurse stopped what she was doing to pray with us, crossing herself when we were done.

After waiting for about an hour, playing Uno and chatting the whole time, it was finally time to go. Different doctors and nurses and specialists had come and gone the whole time, each chatting with L and reassuring us as they explained everything that was going to happen. When it was time for her to head to the OR she gave us hugs and kisses and she walked away from us, hair in a cover, love and hope wrapped around her, Cozy Heart Penguin in her arms, and a smile on her face. 

Travis and I went to the waiting room, getting updates along the way. The worst 

was when the deacon called us to let us know that L was on the bypass machine - meaning her heart was no longer beating. Crazy and horrible and amazing and terrifying, if you can imagine.

Surgery went incredibly well and they finished in just under two hours. We were walked up to the PICU (peds intensive care unit) but had to wait for a bit longer than expected to see her because she was having such a hard time coming out of the anesthesia. When the surgeons finally came out to talk to us they explained how happy they were with how the surgery had gone - they were able to use the hole in her heart as a short-cut to thread her veins through so it could finally be attached in the correct place. They used part of her heart sac to plug the rest of it up and ... all's well that ends well. But it's also just craaaaaaazy.

That first day was pretty tough. As she fought to come out of the anesthesia she was in a lot of pain and incredibly confused. At one point she yelled out, "Help me, Daddy!" and it was literally one of the worst moments of our lives because there was nothing we could do to help our baby girl. There was a chest tube to make sure fluid didn't collect around her heart, but it was what caused her the most pain and discomfort. She threw up several times because of it - can you imagine how painful that would be with a broken sternum?! 

But the nurses were rock stars. They took such great care of her and did everything in their means to make her comfortable. The whole cardiology team was just amazing and we were so grateful to be at one of the best children's hospitals in the country - just 20 minutes from our home. 

Over the next few days she napped. Once they removed her chest tube (and the pace maker wires) she started to feel much better. She moved from her bed to the chair, then her bed to the bathroom, then from her bed all the way down to the other end of the floor and then out to the roof-top garden. She rested there, then walked almost the whole way back until the nurse insisted that she ride in a wheelchair the rest of the way. It was twenty-four hours after her open heart surgery! The nurses said it was the longest walk they'd ever seen in a patient at that state in the game. Eventually she regained an appetite. I read aloud to her and we watched the live action Cinderella. Her uncles visited, along with her godmother and grandmother, mormor and grandpa.

I love this picture of me, 9 months pregnant, brushing L's hair for her and putting it up in a bun as she requested. She was so worn out she fell asleep while I was doing it, but it was so good to have something tangible I could do for her. 

Our sleeping beauty.

L, resting in the roof-top garden. She's wearing her super hero shirt, a gift from Trav's co-workers. 

Saturday morning breakfast.

Sunday, Mother's Day, L was given clearance to come home. After the surgery she had to cough a lot, clearing her chest, and her Cozy Heart Penguin - a birthday gift from her Mormor - was her go-to object to hug during the coughing. It was also used to soften the feel of the seat belt against her incision. 

We couldn't believe that just three days after having open heart surgery she could come home! As soon as we arrived at our house the very first thing she asked to do was go outside and sit on the swing. Once again: crazy. 

Early on L had a lot of limitations. She mostly napped that first post-op week, took pain meds, and was sore. Many people gifted her with books and crafty things and so she colored, molded, sketched, created, and read. Since she could not lift anything over 5lbs, be in public, or do anything that might lead to a fall she could not run, dance, skip, do stairs, ride her bike, swing high, use the slide, climb anything, attend school or Mass, and so on. But a friend from church dropped off the hula hoops her daughters used to play with - 20 some years ago! - and L became a master hooper! Thank God - literally - that Chris was moved to bring those hula hoops over because they were *just* what L needed - something physical, something new to master, and something that was allowed by the surgeons. Several times a day she'd walk around our house, hooping as she went. She'd hula hoop for minutes - over 8 minutes straight once - and even do the chicken dance while hooping! 

With special permission from her doctors L was able to attend the last day of school, two weeks post-op. As a family we went to the all school Mass and she got to sit with her class, though she had to wear a face mask and she carried her cough-buddy penguin. As a special treat she made heart-shaped sugar cookies for her classmates, which she and her daddy took to her class after the Mass. She chatted with her friends and was able to thank them for their prayers. 

At this point L is able to swim, slide, swing, run (with shoes - no flip flops!), and do most of her usual activities. She cannot roller skate, ride her bike, climb trees, or play contact sports until November (so that her sternum is not re-broken) but otherwise she is free to live her life. One of the beautiful things about this time is that L has really fallen in love with reading. In the past the only books she really read were the Junie B. Jones series but now she's been plowing through the Lemony Snicket books, has started the Narnia books, and has read The Secret Garden, Anne of Green Gables, and a few others along the way. 

Over and over again I have said that how well L is doing is a testament to the power of prayer and modern medicine. To everyone who sent money or gift cards or presents or prayers: thank you! Our family was so well cared-for during those difficult hours, days, and weeks and we are so grateful. Learning that L had heart issues was terrifying and we were so scared about the surgery. I admit I was angry at God for giving us another hardship to endure. But on this side of it I also have to admit that we had it easy. L had one surgery, it went well, her incision has healed well, and she has a 99.9% chance of going on and living a normal, healthy life - free to do whatever she wishes - once her body is completely healed. So many heart kids have repeated surgeries and they and their families truly are suffering for a long, long time. We had a community of loved ones supporting us. We were blanketed in prayers. Our daughter is healthy and alive. We are so fortunate and honestly, looking back at the tantrums I threw in prayer I am embarrassed. We've had it so easy. May God comfort and restore those who have not. 

And once again I very sincerely want to say Thank You to everyone who has prayed for us, cared for us, and gifted something to us. I am slowly working on sending out Thank You cards and I'm really hoping that in the chaos that was our life we didn't leave any of the gifts off our record log. Please know that we are so grateful - to God and to you. 

Spiritual bouquet embroidered by Jenna from Call Her Happy

Our Grocery Budget + What's for Supper

One year ago I wrote a series called Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies. In it I talked a bit about groceries, our food budget, and our meal plan and there were requests for me to write more. So here it is, under the category of "Better Late than Never": the follow up post.

I want to start by touching on a couple of things that help to make this work for our family.

First, because of our food allergies I have to make almost everything from scratch but I do love to cook so it's a small sacrifice. However, it can be hard to figure out what we can eat based on what we have, what we can afford to buy, what everyone can and will eat, and then balance that with feast days and evening activities. All that to say, I love having a meal plan but I sorta don't like sitting down and writing up a meal plan.

Second, our income has increased a wee bit since last year and now our weekly grocery budget is about $130. Travis gives me $260 every two weeks. About once a month I will go to Costco for any variety of things: crackers, bacon, chicken breasts, flour, rice, detergent. I will spend about $50 there and then the rest will be divided between my two weeks shopping budget. Sometimes I will spend $120 one week and less the next but with the envelope system I always know how much cash I have and that I have to make it work for me.

Third, we bought half a cow in the spring from a local farmer (whose parents were the witnesses at my grandparents' wedding!) We still have about 1/3 of that meat in the deep freeze. Buying from the farmer is a big expense up front but it means we only spend ~$3 a pound on roasts, steaks, stew meat, ground beef, and liver (what do I do with liver?).

Updated with a fourth, when I say "groceries" I actually mean everything we eat and use in our house on a daily basis: tissues, paper towels, food, drinks, diapers, wet wipes, make-up, deodorant, cleaning products, garbage bags, hair products, feminine products, tealight candles used in holiday decorations, fresh flowers, and so on.

And fifth, we are a family of eight, six kids and two adults. Our oldest is eight and our youngest is almost ten months. While the baby is not eating a ton of food I am buying some special things for him and his diapers come out of our grocery budget so I think it's fair to include him in the count.

Okay, I think that's enough groundwork. Here goes:

Today I went grocery shopping and spent $109. It should feed us through the week though come Friday (pay day) I may pop back into the store in case I've run out of milk, bread, or sanity. My grocery list looked like this:

I also picked up apples, bananas, strawberries, hand soap refill, Earth Balance butter, shampoo, conditioner, mini bagels, bread, and a fountain soda. I didn't use coupons this week but I did make an effort to buy Kroger products so I would save with my Kroger card + earn fuel points. I know my meal plan says chili on Friday but we eat meatless on Fridays and I don't know why I wrote that down. So I bought no beans and we'll have something else instead.

After shopping my fridge looked like this:

And my freezer like this:

The cupboards have the bread, crackers, cereal, pop tarts, fruit snacks, oatmeal, chips, pretzels, canned food, and other items that make up our other meals. Generally speaking those menus look like this:

Breakfast options:
cold cereal, oatmeal, pop tart, bagel, toast, Eggo waffle, and sometimes homemade coffee cake or pancakes

Lunch options:
chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac and cheese, fresh fruit, chips, pretzels, mini mallows, carrot sticks, leftovers

Snack options:
fresh fruit, carrot sticks, crackers, baked goods, popcorn, chips, mallows

And then for this week here's what we're having:

Monday: Shepherd's Pie and Biscuits
I make my Shepherd's Pie in a cast iron skillet so I can just bake it in the same dish. Both the pie and the biscuits are easily adapted for our food allergies and I use ground round instead of lamb to save on cost.

Tuesday: Italian Sausage + Homemade Red Sauce + GF Spaghetti Noodles and Frozen Veg and Applesauce

Wednesday: Chicken + Rice + Stir Fry Veggies

Thursday: Soup Bones + Noodles and Frozen Veg and Canned Peaches
I don't have a recipe for this because my mom made this up, but let me tell you it's amazing. She boiled the meat off the bones, took bones out, added noodles to the meat and broth. Then she made a roux, added that to the cooked noodles, meat, and what was left of the broth. She seasoned it with salt and pepper and it's delish.

Friday: Potato Soup and Home Baked Bread

Saturday: Ribs and Rice and Frozen Veg

Sunday: Brinner (that's breakfast for dinner)

I don't know if this is helpful at all but if you have any questions please feel free to ask. I'm sure there's ways I could save even more money (I have two friends who are amazing at gardening, canning, freezing, and baking and I know that really helps them a great deal.) but, again, this is what works for us here and now. Please share your tips and tricks, because the point really is about helping one another feed the masses on our budgets and I'd love to learn from you.

Eat up and enjoy!

A Staycation Trip to the Zoo

Since Disney and other grand vacations are out of our price range we have to keep our fun local and not too expensive. Last week I mentioned all the fishing we've been doing but we wanted to also plan a fun day trip for the kids. A few years back  Travis' mom, grandma, sister, aunt, cousin and I headed to the Niabi Zoo with my two kids. I was big and pregnant with JF and it was one of the hottest days of summer but it was so. much. fun. When the opportunity came for my family to receive some free tickets to return this summer I jumped at the chance because I knew we would enjoy the day. While the Niabi Zoo gave us the tickets for zoo entry, my mother-in-law and I purchased tickets for all other rides and the stroller rental, and I am 100% telling you the truth: it was a great day.

We started the day by feeding the kids a big breakfast and then having them pack up snack bags to eat on the way home. We knew that with our food allergies we would buy drinks at the zoo but not food, but the extra little fun of coloring a brown paper bag was exciting to them. (Which sorta boggles my mind, but it's a win for me so I'm taking it!)

The Niabi Zoo isn't a huge zoo but there was plenty to do and see. Like the giant mist-maker that delighted my kids.

And the train that circles the park. It's a great way to get your bearings and cool off a bit. JF and JP looooove trains so we had to stop and wave every time it went by. The boys also delighted in crossing the tracks occasionally and all the kids loved the ride.

But, yeah, there was a lot of this throughout the day:

Various Junior Zookeepers and other employees were stationed around the park to answer questions and talk about the animals. Everyone was super friendly, knowledgeable, and helpful. And when we were on our own L was the official keeper of the map. 

A family favorite was the pond - filled with ducks, geese, giant goldfish, and a couple of swans.

The pony rides were another hit. JP literally had to be pulled off his pony - he did not want it to end. 

\

We also loved the larakeets. Well, JF freaked out when one landed on his shoulder from behind and Resa was a little leery. But L loved feeding them nectar and my mother-in-law was like a magnet and loved every minute of it.

The carousel was how we ended the day and then it was back to the van for our hour drive home. The kids ate their snack bags, chatted about the day, and eventually a couple even fell asleep. Later, when I asked the kids what they liked best their answers were:
L - feeding the birds
JF - the train!!!!
Resa - the thing that went around and around and up and down (the carousel)
Jofis - the horsey ride!

My favorite part, though, was that that the grounds were lovely. It was clean, well cared for, and beautifully landscaped. I was really, really impressed with it - it was like walking through a garden.

The zoo has actually grown some since the last time I was there six years ago, and I was pleasantly surprised by the improvements. If you live within a couple hours of the Quad Cities I encourage you to take a little day trip to visit. You can learn more about the Niabi Zoo at their website, on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.  

A Summer Schedule and What We've Been Up To

I don't know about your kid, but mine can look at a clock and tell me exactly what they would be doing at school at that exact time. They can tell me what they do right before that time and what they will do right after that time. Within the schedule there are plenty of opportunities for surprises and choices and flexibility but there is still the structure that can guide the day. And I don't know about your kid, but mine love that. 

Now I don't know about in your house, but in mine if I don't have anything to do I end up doing nothing. Kids get fed popcorn for lunch... at 1:30. Dishes never get done. Copious amounts of fruit snacks are eaten. And around 3pm I realize we've been watching hours of horrible Ninjago episodies in our stinky pj's and I have no idea what's for dinner. 

For some people that would be a dream day but usually those days, especially too many of them, leave me falling behind and stressing out. I didn't want to spend my summer like that and I also knew that my kids, especially two of them, would need to keep up with handwriting, reading, and basic math concepts or they would struggle in the Fall. Enter: the Daily Schedule. It hangs on our fridge and guides our days.

I knew writing out the schedule would mean the kids and I would both have something to reference and keep us all on track. What I didn't know is the amount of authority it would carry in our home. You want to watch TV? Sorry, it's not TV time. You can go outside and play. And they go outside and play! BOOM! Just like that!

The keys to making this work in our home has been the following rules:
- The kitchen is closed at 8:30.
- Fresh fruit or veggies are the only snacks allowed between scheduled meals / snack time.
- iPad and computer games can only be played during TV time or Free time and only for a limited amount of time (10 minutes).
- Shoes must be left by the front door.
- Play outside first and for as long as possible. 

We don't do school every day and we've missed some reading but my kids are still reading more and getting more books read to them this summer than they have had in a very long time. All six kids are here all day long and still my house is relatively tidy and they are brushing their teeth twice a day. All because a piece of paper on the fridge tells them to! It's amazing!

Anyways, obviously I am a little in love with my schedule, but now I'll share some pictures of what else we've been doing this summer. We've been trying to do fun things for a low cost - like most of America, methinks - and so far, so good.

We introduced the kids to The Sandlot. There was a lot more language than we remembered and once JF said, "Oh shit!" and it wasn't because of me I knew I needed to remove it from the Netflix options. But we ate nachos, popcorn, and hotdogs (baseball food) for dinner and had s'mores at just the right time in the movie. ;) The kids loved it. 

Travis and I attended a Diocesan Institute day that was totally free! My mother-in-law babysat the five older kids and Travis and I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner in between a beautiful holy hour, lessons on Lectio Divina, Mass, and really great presentations by Dan Burke and Peter Howard. Baby Tee got some good tummy time in, too.

Travis introduced the kids to fishing. L ended up spending some of her birthday money on buying herself a pole and the kids like to practice casting in the backyard.

Most of our fishing has been done at a local lake. L and B can bait their hooks, cast, set the hook, reel in, and take the fish off the hook all by themselves. I'm pretty impressed since about all I can do is cast and reel.

I have had on and off success with my daily Bible reading and prayer time. My Scripture memorizing has pretty much fallen off the wayside, which is both bad and good. Doing one a week was too much - I wasn't retaining - and I've noticed that letting the passages come to me has been more impactful.

In the last few weeks JF has gone to the ER twice because of allergic reactions to food and when I was overcome with fear I thought back to my memory verse from a few weeks back: Do not be afraid; just have faith. Mark 6:36

Travis started the summer with sciatica pain so severe he was on all kinds of pain meds, sleeping most of the day, laying on the floor, crawling from room to room. Friends and neighbors helped us through that time, mowing the yard and bringing a couple meals and it was so appreciated. Now he is better and working on a couple of projects for family members. We're doing the summer reading program at the library, along with Lego Club, swim lessons, grilling out, eating popcicles, and tending our small garden. So far, ladies and gentlemen, so good.

Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies: How We Make It Work

Welcome back to the Financial Hardships & Surprise Pregnancies series. The posts include: 
Introduction

Crosses & Chai Tea

How We Make It Work

and a follow up post:
God Works Differently in All Our Lives: Sex, Money, Suffering, and Grace

There is a real freedom in owning less stuff and in having less stuff to do and fewer places to go. My family lives a life that looks pretty simple (not as simple as some, of course) but we don’t do it because of Pope Francis or that KonMari tidy-up-things-spark-joy book. I definitely felt inspired after recently reading the Little House books for the first time in my life, and I felt very convicted about the amount of toys and stuff we have after reading about JPII’s impression of a US child’s playroom in Saint John Paul the Great. (Summary: he thought it was enough for a whole nursery but too much for a child.) However we live this way out of necessity.

I know there are families out there who could welcome more children into their homes if they were willing to move some money around in their monthly budgets and forego some of their creature comforts: yearly vacations, gym / zoo / pool / museum memberships, shiny new vehicles, homes with rooms that are only walked through. Maybe that’s you and maybe fear is the thing that is holding you back. Maybe you long for another baby but you are trapped in the routine of keeping up with the Joneses and living the “American Dream” and you just don’t know if you can make those budget cuts. I understand. I really, truly do. But I want you to know this:

Children are gifts - only and always - and they are perhaps the greatest gift God gives us. When you add more children to your home through pregnancy or adoption you are:

• giving your children more playmates and friends.
• adding exponential amounts of joy and humor to your home.
• allowing room for one more eternal soul to be loved and nurtured.
• fostering a home where people are valued over things and experiences.
• filling your home with vibrant life.
• creating a support system of people who will love one another and you and your spouse as you age and die.

I’m about to list off the “How We Do It” part of this series - how we have a big family and a small budget - but I first wanted to be sure you all knew that the sacrifices are worthwhile. Look at that list above. It is a good list.

How we make it work:

• The kids hear “no” a lot, and this isn’t a bad thing.
• We play outside, bake, do crafts, read books. My kids are not in activities but they are really good at climbing trees, they spend time playing in nature, they create and pretend, and they play with one another.
• We visit grandparents and great-grandparents often so my kids have good relationships with their grandparents. And I know it brings a great deal of joy to our parents and grandparents to see and spend time with our kids.
• Toys and clothes come as birthday and holiday gifts and unless a growth spurt makes it necessary they do not receive either from us at any other time.
• Netflix and rented movies are our entertainment; we don’t have cable and we seldom go to the movies. We also enjoy bonfires and using our fireplace.
• We are big fans of parks, libraries, and other free places.
• We do not have gym memberships. If we want to exercise we go for a walk, run, or bike ride outside.
• I keep my hair long, in part, because I can then only go to the salon every 6-9 months. Travis and all the kids usually get their hair cut at home. (One family trip to a cheap hair place pays for the clippers we have.)
• Experiences like special trips to the movies, museums, pools, or zoos are reserved for very special occasions and are often gifts. We do not have memberships to any of those places and in fact, my kids may visit each of those things once a year, if that. Often, when those trips do happen they are in the form of a special outing with grandparents or godparents.
• We don’t have a lot of room in our budget for tithing but we do tithe money and we try to be involved in various parish ministries - supporting them with our presence and volunteering our time and talents. (meals for funeral dinners, promotional work, etc)
• We save big expenses for tax refund time. We have been very fortunate to get a large refund the past few years and that money has gone towards paying down debt, stocking up on food, and replacing “big ticket items.” We also set aside money from the refund to pay for our kids’ birthday parties, Easter baskets, and car insurance.
• Beef is purchased locally. We try to use part of our tax refund to go towards purchasing a quarter of a cow from a local farmer. We are able to get top quality ground round, steaks, roasts, ribs and more for $3 a pound (that includes the butcher’s fee!). It is a big expense up front but it saves us a great deal of money on a weekly basis and allows for us to eat cuts of meat we would never be able to otherwise afford.
• Travis (along with his brother) is good at fixing things - cars, carpentry, electronics…For example, our hand-me-down recliner recently broke and instead of buying a new one (we couldn’t) Travis fixed it.
• We pick up extra work - Travis as a handyman and coach and me through speaking, blogging, and consulting.
• We use the envelope system, as I explained yesterday. Travis is very careful with our money and also has a bit of “mad money” which often goes towards donuts after Sunday Mass, a case of beer for when friends come over, and extra gas so we can make the two hour drive to see his family. Those little things help us to feel like we aren’t so poor after all.
• Travis is taking advantage of a tuition reimbursement program at his place of employment. This is allowing him to earn his masters for very little out-of-pocket money for us while moving him up the pay scale more quickly.
• We apply for and receive scholarships and tuition assistance at our kids’ parochial school.
• Christmas money given to Travis and me is used to restock our bar - just sayin.
• We throw our kids parties for their birthdays and get them 1-3 needed or small gifts at Christmas and Easter (usually). There is no need to “go all out" because the kids will receive gifts from grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles - giving them more than they actually need. Plus, the fun of the holiday - family, food, church, playing games, decorations - is what really makes those things special.
• I am intentional about shutting off lights and line drying items when possible. We also keep our house at 65 in the winter and I try for a long as possible to not turn the heat on.
• The kids pack their lunch but we don't use Lunchables. I did apply for the free or reduced lunch program at school but I have not heard back yet.
• We usually don't use pre-packaged meals, making most of our food - even pizza - from scratch. (Travis has a soft spot for Pizza Rolls during football games, though.)
• The kids are in no extra-curriculars. When they are older they will have the option to join school sports, choir, and whatnot, but for now the only thing they participate in is the free summer reading program at the library.
• We eat meatless meals once or twice a week. Fridays are meatless as a part of our Catholic tradition but often Wednesdays are, too.
• Meat is often a side dish portion with pasta, pancakes, rice, or potatoes being used to fill bellies and veggies and fruit used to round out the meal.
• I don't attend Girls' Night Outs because I can't afford it, and then instead I created a women's group that is hosted by a new woman each month. Everyone brings drinks and snacks - potluck style - and we have a guest speaker and hang out. So I made something I could afford. ;)
• I gladly take hand-me-downs for myself and my kids. I think people just know this about me now and give me their stuff.
• We shop at Wal Mart and Target for clothes. I know that buying quality means it will last longer but it would take me awhile to save up to buy quality and my son needs new jeans yesterday.
• We live near family so grandmas are often able to help with free babysitting.
• We also are lucky that Travis has students willing to babysit for free for NHS volunteer hours and we have found babysitters in confirmation students who also need volunteer hours.
• WIC, which is a government food program for pregnant and nursing moms and children age 5 and under. While we would still qualify for it and food stamps we have opted to not use them. However, WIC was really helpful when we had to use formula, which was at a time when my weekly grocery budget was $75 for a family of 5. 
• The Medical Card. Since JF's birth the whole family has been on it and between it and my husband's excellent insurance we have hardly any medical expenses. If it weren't for the medical card I honestly don't know what we would do but despair because of the bills from JF's NICU stay, all the specialists, JP's week-long stay in the hospital at birth, and the continuing medications we need for our boys' allergies. I know there are many who think we should be ashamed of the government aid but without it I know we would be opting out of basic medical care like teeth cleanings and the life-changing medication I took for postpartum depression. I also know we would be less likely to go to the ER for JF's allergic reactions but those visits have saved his life more than once. To me, it is shameful we live in a culture where people make people like me feel bad for receiving help. Can it be humiliating? Yes. But we do it for the good of our children and they are worth it.

One last thought I want to share is this:

People have been incredibly generous with my family. While JF was in the NICU and the months that followed people gave and supported us in so many ways. Then, just recently, people have once again provided for us. And in between these two events have been many generous acts and gifts from family and friends. All of these times we didn't ask for anything but the goodness in people, encouraged by the Holy Spirit, decided to help and so they did.

Over the years I have tried to convey how grateful we are for these gifts, hand-me-downs, meals, and other generous deeds but I always knew what I was saying was falling short. I hope those people who have been so generous will now have a better understanding of how large of an impact they (you) have all had on my family. We have not forgotten what you have done for us and we remain grateful.

The Series:
Introduction
Crosses & Chai Tea
How We Make It Work

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