You always start off with a bang and then so quickly you trickle off.
"I will pray more and eat less. I will trust in God and not feed my fears and worries."
For one day. Yeeeeah, I'll do that for one day and then just ease up a bit. mmm'kay?
Oh Lent, I am so tired of being half-hearted.
Yesterday in my mom's group I confessed to my friends that I often think, "I need to be merciful because 'the measure with which I measure will be measured out to me' and that is a horrible reason to be merciful."
So Lent, let's work on that. I have looked at what I want and who I want to be and I'm trying, again, to be that person. I think I often look like I'm doing a good job but really I want to actually be doing a good job. The kind that gets a "well done, good and faithful servant" in the end and responds with complete humility and gratitude to God.
Lent, we can do this. There's some things I need to do. Not too much, but not too little either.
How is it, Lent, that you always show me how little I think of myself and how much I think of myself all at the same time.
So my real goals, Lent, have been reset. You asked, "How will you pray more?" And I have answered.
Midday Prayer and/or Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours.
At least one Stations of the Cross
At least two holy hours.
Confession at least twice.
You have asked, "How will you eat less?" And I have answered.
No desserts through the week.
All Fridays will be fasting days.
But I will also exercise for just 10 measly minutes every day.
And you want to know how I will trust God more?
By responding to my kids and household duties foremost, trusting that my vocation should come first and that the other good things you have brought into my life can wait a bit, because that is how you want it.
I'm sure, Lent, that I will have to recommit myself to these goals again and again - and not only during Lent as many of them I want to make a part of my day. But in the meantime, let's celebrate that at least I got my house decorated.
heavily recalibrating over here, too. Thankfully I think God laughs at my "resolutions" every Ash Wednesday and is then like," lol, of course this is all your were going to manage" when I crash and burn 8 days later.ReplyDelete
Love this post. Too many beautiful sentiments to comment on all of them, but your line of "How is it, Lent, that you always show me how little I think of myself and how much I think of myself all at the same time." has to take the cake for me.... Such a beautiful way to put into words my exact same struggle! Thanks for this one and prayers for a beautiful Lenten journey.ReplyDelete
I just love this, Bonnie. Oh Lent...I always start out with such great plans. Then things got sad and ugly and I hit the reset button over here yesterday too.ReplyDelete
Just this morning I was thinking about how much of a failure I was since all of my goals were falling to the wayside... Thank you for the reminder that I am not a failure. And neither are you! I am trying to figure out how to better focus my goals so that they are not just wishes but can lead me toward a better, closer relationship with God.ReplyDelete
Thanks Bonnie. This post really put into words what I have been feeling too.ReplyDelete
I'm late to this post, but yes to all of it. Yes to the bang at the beginning and the trickle. I'm feeling the trickle over here! Prayers for you during the rest of your Lenten season. And if you could share some prayers for me that'd be soooooo nice! Also, your mantel. I love it still. <3ReplyDelete
Ahem, duly chastened, I will now go do some housework instead of reading blogs for my daughter's entire nap time. #vocationfirstReplyDelete