I owe a very sincere apology to Jane Austen. When Jane Bennet caught cold and had to stay at Netherfield for several days I thought it was ridiculous. I mean, it's a cold. Likewise, when Harriet Smith caught cold and had to stay in bed for days I thought that was also ridiculous.
But then in mid-December I got sick. I got really, really, really sick with a cold of Jane Austen proportions.
The last week of school before Christmas break Ben came down with something. He slept 20 hours a day and barely ate anything. One by one all six of my kids fell ill and when Baby Tee was also sick I took him to the doctor. Strep throat for the baby and so everyone got antibiotics. By the time the kids were starting to feel better my throat was starting to hurt, I had a congested headache and a cough.
And for over four weeks I would cough and sleep and lay around. I would start to feel better and then crash with more coughing, sleeping, and laying around. Often I would wish that *I* was at Netherfield with a household staff to cook, clean, and care for the children while I laid in bed and got better. (Alright, honestly, I often have that wish even when I'm healthy.)
It wasn't strep; it wasn't bronchitis; and while I thought it had turned into walking pneumonia and was even treated for it with some antibiotics I think, in the end, it was just a super duper, really bad cold - just like the prompt care doctor told me. Five weeks later I am still occasionally coughing but I finally feel fairly caught up with life.
There were a lot of really good things that happened in those five weeks, especially in December, and I wanted to share some of the highlights.
St. Nick brought a gingerbread village for the kids to assemble and decorate.
Travis was able to finish and hang my shelves. They are made from the wood of an oak tree that stood in my maternal grandfather's yard. We kept the bark on them and glossed them up. This is pretty much the first and only time where how I imagined a finished project looking is how the finished project actually looks. And I loooooove it!
The little Fiat sign is from JustLovePrints.
So Fresh & So Clean Clean print from Brick House in the City.
On Christmas morning we put on our finest, went to the 7am Mass, and tried to get a good family photo. This is as good as it gets, and yes, there is a hideous mural on the back wall of my parish. I dream of whitewashing it.
My parents, my uncle, and my paternal grandfather came over to watch the kids open their gifts and to eat homemade sausage bread and cinnamon rolls, bacon, and coffee. Behold: the only picture I took:
Five days later we celebrated Baby Tee's first birthday and our tenth anniversary with a party. Our parents, siblings, and friends were invited and so I set out a yummy spread, decorated with fresh greens and items used in our wedding reception, and...
put on my new favorite outfit and (a rare thing these days) make-up.
L, my 8 year old, was pursuing her Cake Making badge in American Heritage Girls and so she spent the day with her aunt, a professional baker, and designed and baked the anniversary cake for us...
And the birthday cupcakes for Tee.
We were married on my paternal grandfather's 80th birthday so along with Tee's 1st, we celebrated Grandpa's 90th. L made him a special cupcake and everyone sang Happy Birthday to him.
Fortunately I was feeling fairly well for Christmas and our anniversary but right after each I crashed again. Instead of doing an Advent Calendar I like to celebrate the Twelve Days of Christmas but this year the only thing I was able to do was make and decorate Christmas cookies and that was only because my mom came over to help. Oh well.
If you're looking for a good gingerbread cookie recipe Mary's from Better Than Eden is the best I've ever had. Follow her tip and save them for the next day. I don't know why, but they are so much better Day Two. And that St. Nick cookie cutter came from Catholic Curio, in case you were wondering.
And if you're looking for a good something to watch, well I have been busy with all my laying around.
Amazon Prime: Mr. Holmes, the BBC's Emma, Grantchester, Endevour, and the Matt Smith Doctor Who episodes all kept me company.
Netflix: Spotlight, Sherlock, The Crown, A Royal Night Out, Death Comes to Pemberly, Madame Secretary, The Imitation Game, The Returned, and E.T. have also been good distractions.
Gosh, I look like such a bum, don't I?
I'll leave you with my current favorite song, a reward of sorts for making to the end of this post.
At the end of October Baby Tee will be ten months old. He is crawling, pulling himself to standing, cruising, and saying "mama." He laughs at his older siblings' silliness and they love to perform for him. He likes cheerios, sweet potatoes, graham crackers, and his mama's milk. He has seven teeth and sometimes I think he looks like an elf.
Can I just tell you that I am completely smitten with him? Some things are tough, of course, like teething and night nursing and all the food he drops on the floor, but he is so sweet and so lovely and my heart bursts with love of him.
I've never had an experience like this before. All my other children's infancies were shadowed by postpartum depression and now that I see what life with a newborn is like without PPD touching it I am incredibly sad that we were all robbed of happier days and a lighter, more peaceful, more loving home. But I am also so incredibly grateful that this time I have not suffered from PPD.
There were moments I was afraid it was coming. One night in particular I was so tired and so anxious. My anxiety kept me awake after a night feeding and I paced the house, I sobbed in the family room, I shook with fear, and I kept seeing this picture of a spiraling, Wonderland-like fall of which I was standing on the cusp.
When exhaustion or stress crept up on me, as they did a couple of times, they showed themselves through anger and an inability to tolerate anything. In the past I would have succumbed - I would have gone crazy. I had...
... but this time was different. We were proactive and we had plans in place. We knew that exhaustion and stress triggered my spiraling into PPD and so my husband, my mom, and I decided what we would do. In the end I would say three things really helped me get through this postpartum period without succumbing to postpartum depression.
First, and probably most importantly: sleep. My mom basically moved in with us for the first few weeks, waking up with Tee's cries, tending to him until she had to get me to nurse him, sending me back to bed immediately after he finished eating, and putting him back to bed. She and Travis made the meals and with he and me sleeping well at night Mom was able to nap during the days. My mother-in-law also helped by relieving my mom and occasionally keeping the older kids at her home. I sat with the kids, rested, and nursed the baby - and for months that was pretty much all I did. In the months that followed those first six weeks I did not hesitate to put on a movie for the kids and nap, ask my mom or husband to watch the kids so I could sleep, and / or go to bed at 8pm.
Second, I allowed for a lot of quiet and introspection. I spent a lot of time observing how I felt physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I prayed, I read my Bible and Beautiful Mercy, I asked for other people to pray for me, and I used Jenna Hines' book 30 Days to Calm.
Finally, I took pills, but not medication like before. My midwife prescribed for me to take Omega-3 supplements (EPA-DHA 720, 1-2 at a time, four times a day) and Magnesium Glycinate (300mg, 4 at a time, 4 times a day). They were amazing. They helped me relax and just... feel good. I know that seems like a vague statement but it's true. If I started to feel overwhelmed I would take my pills and within thirty minutes I was calm and relaxed. I felt little to no anxiety and I slept better with them. I don't think these pills alone would have worked for bringing me out of my former PPD, but they were wonderfully helpful for keeping it bay this time.
In the end, this has possibly been the best year of my life. I have six amazing children, a husband who loves me immensely, and a devoted mom (and mother-in-law). As a family we have hit our stride and we are thriving, happy, and full of love. That might sound cheesy but I don't care. I've always like nachos.
PS - Speaking of babies, I was invited to be a contributor to the Waiting in His Word: A Couple's Journey Scripture Study on fertility. Nell, Nancy, and Laura have done a fabulous job of bringing together women and men with a wide variety of experiences: loss, adoption, infertility, hyper-fertility, foster care, and more. You can learn more and buy your copy here.
PPS - Not to sound silly, but I would love it if you'd vote for A Knotted Life over at the Fisher's Net Awards. I mean, who else gives you blog posts about food allergies, miracle babies, parochial school, parties, and fashion for barrel-shaped bellies? I mean, when it comes to that combination you know that I am the BEST.
PPS - I am definitely not saying that these three things are all you need to do to beat PPD, and please, please, please know that there is no shame in getting help - be it a therapist, medication, a nanny, etc - to overcome postpartum depression or any mental illness. If you think you have PPD please talk to your doctor or midwife. If you are still pregnant and worried about suffering through another bout of PPD, as I was while pregnant with Baby Tee, then perhaps this post will inspire you to think about your own triggers and create a plan with your loved ones so you can get the best care.
Here's a good ole fashioned Day in the Life post, complete with photos, some unedited to really throw it back to old school blogging. This is from yesterday and I did a mix of typing in chunks - so some of the time is 'ish' (like 9:15-ish) - and typing as I went - so some of the time is accurate. Some of it is summary and some of it is commentary but please note that this was both an ordinary day and a not so ordinary day. Usually I stay in bed until 6:30 and my kids do not get fresh, warm coffee cake for breakfast. Also, Mondays - Wednesdays we have morning activities but I'm thinking of keeping Thursdays to myself. It is so nice to have a long day at home (even if that means the mid-day transfer).
Okay, here goes!
4:23 - Thomas wakes up. Nurse him in the living room, like always. Listen to the downpour and feel bad for the garbage man who will have stinky, soggy trash to deal with.
4:37 - Lay back down in bed, super thirsty but don't drink anything and try to will myself back to sleep so I can sorta take a sorta accurate temp at 5am for my nfp charting. Dose off at some point.
5:00 - Alarm goes off, I take temp and wonder if I should go back to sleep or stay up.
5:30 - Stay up. I head to the kitchen and immediately start mixing up a double batch of coffee cake.
5:35 - Remember to turn on Mother Assumpta praying the rosary. (This is a tip I just learned on Instagram - a woman named Becky shared it on one of my pictures and I LOVED it! I pray along with the nuns when I can but I let them pray for me when the kids or life interrupt. Plus, as Becky stated, it creates an incredibly calm and beautiful atmosphere in our home and hopefully for the rest of their lives the rosary will remind my kids of peaceful times at home. Hopefully.)
5:38 - Travis comes out, ready for work. I stop the coffee cake and turn on the coffee for him. We discuss his work day, a bill, what time he'll be home, and dinner plans (pizza party for Mary's birthday!)
5:40 - Travis leaves, travel cup filled with coffee. (Because it's the little things, right? And in our marriage, me making him hot coffee for his morning commute is a way I can communicate my love to him... when he's not communicating his love to me by letting me sleep in.)
5:50 - Coffee cake goes in the oven. I check Facebook and then turn off the kitchen light, but leave the light on over the sink, and then walk around the house lighting candles, knowing the kids will love it as much as I do. Tidy up a bit as I go.
6:00 - I pour myself some coffee, put on a classical music playlist, and sit down with my Bible, opening it to the end of Mark, which I finished yesterday. Think about if I should read Mark again, choose another Gospel, or do an epistle. Say a quick prayer to the Holy Spirit and then...
6:10 - James calls out for his dad; I see him at the end of the hall so I turn on the light and invite him to come to me. We sit on the sofa together, snuggling in the dark, candlelit room.
6:15 - I wonder about getting up Bennet and Lydia, whose bus will come in 45 minutes but just then Ben comes into the living room, fully dressed and checking out the candles.
6:18 - L comes out and sits on the sofa, commenting on the candles. Ben asks if he can light up the jack-o-lantern which I currently have displayed as just a pumpkin because it's only September 8th. I tell him yes, because why not?, and then we go to the basement to find another votive candle, me carrying a folding chair and laundry basket with me.
6:20 - I put the chair away, fill the laundry basket with the kids' whites from the dryer, and walk back upstairs with Ben, who grabs and the matches and happily sets up his jack-o-lantern. I pull the coffee cake out of the oven.
6:25 - I begin to pack the kids' lunches and discuss which fruit option they all want. (Applesauce, apple slices, or grapes? And you better eat it, too!) Jofis comes down the hall and into the kitchen with his blankie over his head "wooooooo"ing and for the one thousandth time we all cry out, "There's a ghost in the house!" He pulls the blankie off, showing a huge grin and we all say, "Oh it's just Jofis!"
6:35 - I slice up and serve the coffee cake to JF, Ben, Jofish, and L. We pray the Morning Offering and Grace. I pick up a few things in the living room and grab a brush, ponytail holder, and bow. While L eats I do her hair.
6:45 - I go back to making the kids' lunches. Fill the water bottles, put everything in the bookbags, ask Ben if his homework is in his bag, thank the kids for bringing their plates to the sink and then send them to the bathroom to wash their hands and brush their teeth.
6:55 - Step outside to check how hard it's raining. Hear the kids' bus and call them out. Watch them run down the drive as I yell, like every day, "I love you. Have fun and make good choices." Watch the bus drive away and feel really content because they love school and I love our life. That sounds really cheesy and chipper but it's true and I'm grateful.
7:00 - Take a picture of the cake mix box and blue frosting to share on social media as a reminder that today's the Blessed Mother's birthday. PBS Kids gets turned on.
7:05 - Make breakfast for myself - eggs + bacon, wrapped in a tortilla. Freshen my coffee and sit down with my breakfast, planner, and Bible. Look over the day, my prayer intentions, my to-do's. Decide to go with an epistle and open my Bible to Titus. See that it's super short and dive in, reading the intro and first chapter. Sit with a couple of verses, thinking them over and praying about them, looking at my own life in comparison.
7:38 - Get Thomas out of his crib. Take him to the living room to nurse. Resa wakes up and comes out in the meantime.
7:40 - Change diapers, wash hands, get breakfast for Resa.
7:55 - Wash breakfast dishes. Decide to start this blog post, despite the fact that it has so far been an unusual and not at all typical day.
8:20 - JF gets on bus. I turn on PBS Kids.
8:25 - Play with Tee on the floor, watch the rain, freshen coffee.
8:45 - Put Tee in highchair for breakfast. Work on blog post while he eats.
8:50 - Draw bath for Jofis and Resa, divvy out bath toys and make a firm warning of "no shampoo or conditioner!"
9:15 - Tee is done with breakfast. Wipe him off and dump all crumbs on floor. Vacuum floor. Decide to cut his super long hair. Cut too much, giving him a "Caesar" haircut straight outta 1996.
9:30 - Kids are done with bath. While Tee plays in living room, go to bathroom to wash Jofis and Resa's hair. Tidy bathroom, note ring in tub that needs to be cleaned, turn off light.
9:40 - Put lotion and clothes on kids; brush their hair. Tell them to play while I work on blogging.
10:00 - Pull Tee out from under the table and lay him down for a nap. Try putting a pretty Cinderella dress on Resa only to have her take it off because it's itchy. Put on Halloween music at Jofis' request, pass out bananas, refill water, work on editing pictures for a blog post.
10:23 - Realize that I have to pick James up in 50 minutes and dash off to the shower, updating this blog post first - of course.
10:25 - Plug in computer to recharge, make bed, attend to personal hygene, try blow-drying hair to control frizz and fail.
10:55 - Exit room looking absolutely fabulous! (in yoga pants and a shirt I've already worn once this week.) Round up the kids and send them to the van. Wake a sleeping baby and notice how bad his hair looks. Shoot.
11:02 - Everyone is buckled in. I put Sara Groves in the cd player and we are rolling.
11:05 - Arrive at the public school. Sign JF out, chat with his aid, allow JF to carry the huge rainbow umbrella which means I walk in the rain. Whatevs.
11:15 - JF is buckled in and eating his lunch, we head over to the parochial school.
11:23 - Arrive at parochial school. JF and Resa need to use the bathroom. Jofis requests "Train Song" so I put in Johnny Cash cd and play "Orange Blossom Special." Take the two in for the bathroom and check in at the office. Go back to van so JF can finish his lunch. Just as I'm about to record a *brilliant* Instagram Story JF tells me he's done with his lunch and ready to go in.
11:40 - Take JF down to his classroom. (As an aside, JF *really* likes routine and he really likes me. He dislikes change and being on his own. We had just gotten to a point where he was comfortable doing drop off when there was outdoor recess. I would park by the sidewalk to the playground, his friends and siblings would help him out of the van, and I could drive away with him happy. But indoor recess is different and we're working on what to do. If you could say a prayer for us that would be great. I don't feel bad for him - I feel bad for the staff having to deal with my crying kid.)
11:50 - Chat with the principal and Spanish teacher about how I should best get James in school on indoor recess days.
11:55 - Back in the van, driving home.
12:05 - Put Tee in the high chair, cut up a banana and give him some Ritz crackers. Make salami and butter sandwiches for Resa, Jofis, and me while I watch the latest season of Once Upon a Time on Netflix. Call kids to the table, catch up this blog post, eat sandwich.
12:25 - Wipe down Tee, dump crackers on floor. Nurse Tee in family room and try to ignore the curtains that Jofis has arranged. Put him down so he can play, watch him do the worm across the floor. (Seriously, that's how he crawls. It's amazing.) Scroll through FB and IG.
12:40 - Begin to work on scouting stuff. Almost cry. Want to quit. Record an Instagram Story about it. Literally put head on counter. Sigh a bunch. Send a bunch of texts to Travis. Put Tee down for a nap. Email people. Continue to want to cry. Wonder how in the world other people do it. Resist the urge to drink or eat a bunch of chocolate.
1:24 - Bake Mary's birthday cake while watching Once Upon a Time so I can forget how dumb I feel for not understanding what the hell I'm supposed to be doing so my kids can have a wonderful time in Scouts. Okay, bake the cake.
1:41 - Cake in oven. Update calendar with all sorts of stuff. Text Travis about a sitter and camp and all kinds of stuff.
2:05 - Decorate family altar (aka the buffet) with all things Mary for her birthday. Tell kids it's time to turn off My Little Ponies and play.
2:27 - Tidy kitchen. Again. Get distracted and tidy living room. While taking dirty bib to laundry shoot remember ring in tub. Clean tub, sink, and toilet - praying for Steve Husband as I always do. Refill handsoap, clean master bath. Use term "master" loosely. Daydream of having more money so we can re-do the bathroom - at least the vanity!- and then the carpets... and then the windows... and then tell Jofis that he shouldn't play with the light saber in the bathroom. On the way back to kitchen notice the curtains in the family room and tidy family room, like 50%.
2:53 - Get back to kitchen. Unload and load dishwasher.
3:05 - Get Tee out of the crib. Nurse him and miss a phone call. Tell kids to get their shoes on. Change a poopy diaper. Tell kids to get their shoes on. Put Tee in carseat. Yell at kids for not having their shoes on; send shoeless kids to van.
3:15 - Head to parochial school to get kids, forgetting that we're done with the heat schedule so *errbody* (read: all public and private schools) is getting out at the same time and the drive is a bit slower.
3:30 - Arrive at school, unload three kids, walk over to where the kids are let out, count to six over and over and over again as I keep track of my kids. Load six kids (all mine) into van and head home. Tear up a little bit listening to this Sara Groves song:
3:55 - Daddy's home!!!!!! Unload. Yell at one kid who is pouting. Remind two kids to bring in their bookbags. Carry in baby Tee, noticing his haircut. geesh. Tell the kids they can only watch PBS Kids - no Netflix. Chat with Travis. Look through mail. Ask Trav to make pizza dough so it can rise while he runs to bank.
4:10 - Begin frosting cake. Drop the knife repeatedly. Clean up blue frosting from floor, kitchen cabinets, and my clothes. Praise Ben for his A+ spelling test. Praise L for seeing her brother in need and helping him without asking.
4:23 - Finish icing cake. Check out FB and IG. Yell at kids about after-school stuff. Look over L's homework. Put Tee in crib for nap. Take multiple phone calls reminding me about stuff.
4:38 - Go outside to pick oregano and begin sauce for pizza. Travis comes home and we have talk, argue, talk, hug, laugh, talk. He goes to living room with kids and I stay in kitchen a l o n e !
The rest of the evening went something like this: make dairy free pizza, burn my finger on the pizza pan, eat dinner with my finger in a glass of ice water, listen to four kids praise the pizza - one kid state she does not like the dairy free cheese - and Travis say nothing which means he also does not like the DF cheese but is kind enough to eat it for the sake of the rest of us, clear the table, quiz kids on spelling words, work on sight words, sing happy birthday to Mary, eat white cake with blue frosting, clean kitchen while slopping water all over the place (my finger is still in ice water) sorta oversee pj's and brushed teeth and clean diapers (were applicable), nurse baby Tee and put him down for bed - all still with my finger in the glass of ice water. Kids in bed by 8. Kitchen clean by 8:25. Finger still throbbing at 8:30 so some pain meds and then off to bed.
So who knew that writing about being poor would be such a popular topic?!
I was surprised by and grateful for all the kind, supportive words and I was impressed with all the great questions that came in the comboxes.
And when the series was over, I confess I knew that I should post some great follow up. I should have kept that momentum going with a wonderful Welcome to all my new readers, or some insightful further comments from the series, or I don't know, just a killer post.
But instead I took naps, baked mini apple pies, tidied the house, spent Friday night with some friends from my parish, attended a wedding, and went on a special outing with my kids, mom, and mother-in-law. I didn't take a bunch of pictures to edit and share on the blog. I didn't Instagram it all. I didn't write another post. The reason is because I'm a bad blogger, but I'm getting really good at living.
I'm not commenting on others' blogs or lives of course, but it is funny because I run a side business helping other bloggers grow their readership, make their goals, and better utilize social media. Basically, as a blogger myself I do exactly what I tell them to do and follow none of the advice they are usually looking for.
`
What I tell them to do is to blog so they enjoy it, otherwise they will grow to hate it. Blogging for me has always been a hobby. It's a nice way to communicate my thoughts and likes and family memories. Growing a blog, increasing hits, and gaining new readers and a significant income comes down to two things: a lot of work and at least a little bit of luck. I don't want to do all that work, I just want to write when I'm in the mood to write.
The minute blogging stops being fun and starts being work is when bloggers feel stressed and burnt out, it's why so many walk away from blogging. Now there are a lucky few who happen to love the work of blogging so for them it continues to be life-giving, but that wouldn't be me.
So I guess I want you to know that about me: by many standards I'm a Bad Blogger because I don't always make shareable graphics, I don't post on a regular basis, and I'm not writing "click bait" titles. But by my standards I'm a Great Blogger because I've been doing this for eight years and I still enjoy it. I don't get caught up in the stats and I don't sweat it if I walk away for a bit so I can focus on life.
It's a lesson I had to learn over those eight years, and my blogging is definitely different than it used to be. For example, I used to share lots of pictures of the kids but not any more. About a year ago I had this realization that while many of my regular readers do care about my family there are plenty of people who pop over here because of Sheen's cause who don't really care at all about my family. They are consuming a story and then they move on. I don't want them knowing all the details about my kids, so I shut down the blog for a bit (having a bit of a freak out moment), and when I came back I stopped using their real names and started only sharing pictures of their faces that are blurry or partial.
Again, it's not a comment on any other blogger or how they do things, it was just what I needed to do. And I thought you should probably know that, too.
So I guess this is that follow up post I knew I needed to write. It's not a killer one, but it's one I wanted to write - a little chat about blogging.
Thanks for reading, guys. Thanks for showing up again and again and for being a part of my community. You're the best.
I think Kendra's Answer Me This link-ups are always a lot of fun. I mean look at her blog! It's a carnival! How can it not be fun over there?
And with Kendra bringing back the Answer Me This link-up for the summer, well how could I stay away? She's got some good questions, so let's get going.
1. Any big plans for the summer?
Sleeping in, napping, eating lots of fruit, hitting up the farmers' market - those are the little things but they actually are big plans for me because I look forward to them every summer. There won't be any trips further than the Chicagoland area, but we are looking forward to a friend's baby shower, my sister-in-law's bridal shower, the big family gathering that happens every 4th of July with Travis' family, and the upcoming Sheen Family Day.
2. What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?
There were three sassafrass trees that grew up from the same spot so that the bottoms of their trunks grew into one another. At one point my dad cut off another sapling that was growing up from the trunk base, creating a flat spot, right next to a small knot / whole in one of the trunks. There was also a little dip in the gathered trunks. All together it looked like the entrance to a fairy's home with a well right outside the door. I believed a fairy did live there and drank that water, and I would leave her flowers and whatnot.
Turns out some young boys - who shall not be named - would pee in the "well" making it most definitely not suitable for habitation or magical fairy water.
ahem.
3. What is your favorite amusement park ride? (can be a specific one at a specific park or just a type of ride)
Growing up I always loved riding The Scrambler at our town's Old Settler Days fair. Any more, though, my motion sickness won't let me tolerate any such rides, though I think I would probably like bumper cars.
4. What's on your summer reading list?
This summer I'll be reading the Little House Rocky Ridge books and Pioneer Girl. That should keep me pretty busy, but when I'm done I'd like to read Bossy Pants by Tina Fey after a friend recommended it.
5. Have you ever fallen asleep in public?
Do airplanes count? Because I've fallen asleep multiple times on airplanes. Also at adoration. Once at a theater.
6. What is your favorite smell?
Fresh baked bread is probably my favorite, but any freshly baked item - pie, cake, cookies, rolls, muffins - all smell fabulous.
Is weight and the effort to lose it too personal of a matter to talk about it online? I definitely don't think so. Do we need to change how we talk about and view health and beauty? Yes, yes we do.
In Yes, I'm Overweight, and I Don't Care, blogger Michelle Arnold shares her story with weight, from watching her parents' relationships with their own bodies and health to horrible comments directed at her because of her own weight. At the end of the post she makes a couple of statements:
Do not talk about weight on the Internet. Do not talk about your weight, or anyone else’s. If you have decided to lose weight, either for health reasons or because you are unsatisfied with how you look, that’s great. More power to you. I wish you all the best. But there is absolutely no reason the Internet needs to know about your mission. and
Because when you call yourself “fat,” you are not just hurting yourself. You have the potential to hurt others who struggle with weight, and whose stories as to why they are overweight you may never know. When you do that and you also deny the reality of fat shaming, you provide a handy link for all the thin fat shamers out there who are compiling evidence for “interventions” with overweight friends and family. “See! This person is [or was] fat too, and she says that being fat shouldn’t be glamorized!” Weight is an extremely personal issue. Let’s keep it that way, shall we?
Here's the thing: being fat shouldn't be glamorized. Neither should being thin. Michelle and I are in total agreement there. What is important - so, so important - is being healthy. Health is what should be celebrated. And one person's healthy body will look very different from another's.
I believe that I have a moral obligation to be healthy because our bodies are important. My body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit. All of me - soul and body - has been redeemed by Christ and all of me - soul and body - will be in Heaven for eternity. I am responsible for taking care of my body.
I also know that I have not been doing the best of jobs with that. Further, I know that for me to be super trim and toned I would never get to eat or drink food I enjoy and I would have to work out a ridiculous amount of time. Since I like food and I hate exercise, manipulating my body into that kind of shape would be horrible, a punishment almost. There is a balance, a happy medium we can call it, and I call that being Healthy.
Now I have a whole sub-category in my sidebar called "being fat" and I use that term because I'd much rather think of myself as "fat" than "obese." Hopefully when I've written about my struggles with my weight I've never hurt anyone else. Michelle is right though, there is the potential that when someone who looks like me sees me and then hears me calling myself "fat" they may feel like I just called them fat. I may even be unintentionally striking at a wound they have. I hope everyone knows that when I'm talking about myself I am only talking about myself, and I sincerely hope I haven't hurt anyone.
But since a healthy body can look very different from one person to the next does that mean we shouldn't talk about it online? Should we not share our weight loss failings and victories on our blogs and social media accounts because it's too personal and may hurt or be used as ammo against someone else?
No. No way.
Weight loss journeys are no more personal than the many things we bloggers talk about: politics, religion, sex, death, addictions, child loss, family planning... If I were to not write about topics that may hurt or offend I would having pretty much nothing to write about. Writing about my kids could be a wound for the child-less; writing about my marriage could hurt the single, divorced, or widowed; writing about the beauty of Christ in the Eucharist could hurt someone who is outside the Church.
Plus, I have always found inspiration from those who are willing to be vulnerable and share their weight loss journeys. My friend M.H. blogged her weight loss and I still think of her (even though I only know her through the internet) when I am trying to do better. Right now The Crescat is sharing the same journey on her blog and I've found her honesty to be both inspiring and encouraging - even when she's struggling.
Healthy can look like a lot of things. I actually like my body with a bit more "softness" and feel much more feminine that way than if I were super trim and toned. But I also like when I can comfortably sit, bend over, walk up stairs, play with my kids, go for hikes, buy clothes not in the Plus / Women's section of stores. Finding that balance is hard and it's one I plan to continue to discuss on my blog because it helps me and hopefully it will help others. I hope you all will stick around for it and I hope that as I have success you will celebrate with me and that when I fail you will not tell me to try Paleo but will continue to cheer me on.
This spring has me spending more time reading, playing outside, and dreaming about gardening and less time writing. But it's still fun to catch up with you so I thought I'd share some of the things I'm enjoying with you right now. I'd love it if you would tell me the same.
reading: Silver Linings Playbook
(having just finished The Book Thief for my book club. Half of us liked it and half of us didn't. I did.)
excited about:
The Visitation Project launching this Sunday! eeeek!
planning:
my daughters' joint birthday party. L wanted a ballerina theme and Resa wanted Minnie Mouse. It's a pretty easy blend to do and I am once again grateful for a sister-in-law who is amazing with cakes.
You always start off with a bang and then so quickly you trickle off.
"I will pray more and eat less. I will trust in God and not feed my fears and worries."
For one day. Yeeeeah, I'll do that for one day and then just ease up a bit. mmm'kay?
Oh Lent, I am so tired of being half-hearted.
Yesterday in my mom's group I confessed to my friends that I often think, "I need to be merciful because 'the measure with which I measure will be measured out to me' and that is a horrible reason to be merciful."
So Lent, let's work on that. I have looked at what I want and who I want to be and I'm trying, again, to be that person. I think I often look like I'm doing a good job but really I want to actually be doing a good job. The kind that gets a "well done, good and faithful servant" in the end and responds with complete humility and gratitude to God.
Lent, we can do this. There's some things I need to do. Not too much, but not too little either.
How is it, Lent, that you always show me how little I think of myself and how much I think of myself all at the same time.
So my real goals, Lent, have been reset. You asked, "How will you pray more?" And I have answered.
Midday Prayer and/or Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours.
At least one Stations of the Cross
At least two holy hours.
Confession at least twice.
You have asked, "How will you eat less?" And I have answered.
No desserts through the week.
All Fridays will be fasting days.
But I will also exercise for just 10 measly minutes every day.
And you want to know how I will trust God more?
By responding to my kids and household duties foremost, trusting that my vocation should come first and that the other good things you have brought into my life can wait a bit, because that is how you want it.
I'm sure, Lent, that I will have to recommit myself to these goals again and again - and not only during Lent as many of them I want to make a part of my day. But in the meantime, let's celebrate that at least I got my house decorated.
2 - I'm going to start by introducing you to Chris, a man with whom I attended high school. Then, we both ended up studying English lit and writing at the same small liberal arts college. Chris has moved from a very non denom / evangelical background to Anglicanism and often writes about American culture, music, and faith at his blog Post Consumer Reports. Also, he made himself into a meme.
Okay, is that super funny to me just because I know him or is it just super funny?
Anyways, Chris just wrote a couple of posts about True Love Waits and the whole abstinence until marriage culture that exists in evangelical circles and was widely discussed on the internet a few months back. Perhaps what I appreciate most is that he didn't jump in on all the yelling back then but has thought about it a lot, gathered insights from his female peers, and then wrote of what he knows - not on the whole of the movement. Anyways, I thought I'd share his post because it gave me an excuse to share his meme and because I thought it was well done.
Matthew Kelly and the folks at Dynamic Catholic want to make sure you have the Best Lent Ever. It looks really fabulous and I'm excited to do it this Lent. Check out the website and consider signing up.
And if that doesn't sound like your thing, maybe you'll like the Blessed Is She Lenten journal. It's another great resource to help you get in Scripture and and spending time in prayer. The journals have all sold out but you can download and print one off for yourself. Lovely.
I was really happy to chat with my friends Christy and Haley for their latest Fountains of Carrots podcast. We chatted about lent and how we do it in our homes and I had a lot of fun. JP makes an appearance as well. Take a listen!
3 - Earlier this week I made some bagels and shared a picture on Instagram. If you're looking for a good bagel recipe I strongly recommend this one. Mary Kate shared it with me and she was right - it's delicious. In fact, my second batch is rising right now.
4 - Recently I noticed two unusual occurrences. The first is that on days when I wear pj's, don't brush my hair or teeth, and do not shower I get an incredible amount of work done. Cleaning the bathrooms, putting away the laundry, answering emails, sorting paperwork, mending clothing, even reading to the kids - all of this is done when I look rather gross. I think it's because when I get myself ready for the day I feel like I need to DO something, and that definitely does not mean scrubbing toilets.
The second thing is that if I am going to put away laundry then I cannot use a laundry basket. If I fold the clothes right out of the dryer, piling them on the top of the dryer, then they actually get folded. Then I gather them in my arms - not in a laundry basket! - and carry them throughout the house, putting them away. It gets the job done in minutes, rather than the clean clothes sitting rumpled for days or even weeks.
5 - Today was my first day on thyroid medication. I actually feel better already - is that even possible? I don't know, but this was one of my first steps towards health and I'm excited for what may happen.
6 - Here's some of my favorite links from the week:
And now here we are all together and I am so glad you are here.
Let me introduce myself.
Blurry pic. Sorry.
I'm Bonnie. My husband and I just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. We had five kids in five years; our oldest is now six and attends parochial school. Additionally I have two pre-schoolers and two more in diapers. Our first baby was lost due to miscarriage and I spent the first four years of parenthood suffering - and making everyone else suffer - from postpartum depression. I live small town Illinois and I'm in my early thirties.
Me breastfeeding my baby, drawn by my daughter.
Truth be told, I have a hard time remembering exactly how old I am. There's just too many numbers to remember with the kids' birthdays and what time school lets out and which zip code we live in now. I digress.
Blogging is a lot of fun for me and I want to keep it that way, which means I don't let myself get too stressed about posting on a schedule, writing clever post titles, or making money from blogging. I write when I write and it's always honest. I hope you're okay with that. (Oh! And I think Blogrolls are a good way to see how someone fits into which corner of the blogosphere. You can see mine here, if you'd like.)
Also, I have a dumbphone & a real love for dangly earrings.
And I think that's about the gist of it all.
Now I'd love to meet you! If you're a new reader please leave a comment below, introducing yourself. Tell me if you have a blog or an Instagram account. Are you Catholic? Who's your favorite band? Are you a crafter, a baker, a programmer? Married? Kids? Do you work outside the home? Let me know!
If you're new here, stick around! You can follow A Knotted Life on Bloglovin' or Feedly.
Plus, I'd love to connect with you. You can find me on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook. I hope to "meet" you soon!
This is not your run of the mill, it's the New Year, let's jump into your weight-loss / get-healthy / Whole30 / resolutions post. This one is way more humbling for me to write than one of those. But it is a post about getting healthy because my health is out of control and I'm tired of it, and just plain tired.
This is not a new story for me.
My first two years of college and all of high school before that I was a chunker. I can still remember the day that I decided I had had enough. Even though there was a cold drizzle that May day I went outside and "ran". Over that summer I worked my way up to being able to run 3 miles. I hated running but I loved the results. I would also go swimming, go for walks, and challenged myself with a 5k race. I was careful about what I ate and if I ate too much, especially of something that wasn't good for me, then I just threw it up.
I lost 50lbs.
By late fall I pretty much quit running and by the time I had graduated college I was pretty much done with the purging.
And I kept the weight off. For six years I would flux a little but the weight on my drivers license was accurate and I was happy.
When I got married I wore a medium for a shirt, a size 10 jean, and I had nice, strong legs and big-but-not-too-big boobs. Even with my crooked teeth I looked good.
And then I got pregnant. With that pregnancy and the grief of the loss I gained about 10lbs.
I got pregnant again. And again. And altogether I got pregnant 6 times in 6 years and while I always lost some of the weight I never lost all of it. (Oh yeah, and there was the 7 week NICU stay where I gained weight, too.)
Then there was what I see as a bit of a low blow: while I was taking medication for PPD I gained even more weight. Why isn't there a pill to make me both happy and thin?
So now, eight years into my marriage and I've got an additional good ten pounds for each year. I look fat; I feel fat; I am horribly, embarrassingly fat.
In the last months I've also noticed a lot of other stuff happening with my body. Completely wonky cycles that could be 28 days with no phase III to a 44 day long one with three possible peak days. Cramping, sometimes painful enough to wake me up but not related to anything obvious. A body that aches and feels totally out of line. Other, grosser stuff that I won't share with you.
I'm trying to change all this.
In October I gave up soda. I stopped having painful cramps during my period when I did that, which was a very pleasant surprise, but oh how I missed my diet Dr. Pepper.
November I nick-named "No Sugar November" and I did a pretty good job at continuing to stay away from soda in addition to having no sweets. I dropped 4lbs in a week.
December was supposed to be "No Dairy December" but I made a lame attempt and by the middle of the month I had given in to the sweets.
So here I am, at the beginning again.I'm doing the really obvious stuff:
- no more soda
- no more sugar
- limited dairy
- limited carbs
- lots more sleep (early bedtime)
- lots more water
- a bit of exercise. (Oh gosh, please don't laugh at me but here's a YouTube channel with some workout videos I don't hate. #1 and #4 are my favorites.)
But there's more than that.
A little while ago I was praying the novena to Our Lady, Undoer of Knots and while I was praying for something else, I heard very clearly in my head that food is the knot that needs to be untied in my life.
So I started praying about it. And I started confessing it: I knew I was full and I kept eating. I ate out of stress. I ate out of worry. I ate out of anger, boredom, sleep deprivation.
Oh man, if there has been anything to help me even get to this point it has been the grace and healing from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
I feel like a lot of the behavior of my college days when I was binging and purging is being redeemed. Then I thought about everything I ate and I obsessed about every move I made. Now I think about (almost) everything I eat but I consider "Is this a good choice? Is this bite one bite too many?" Instead of considering if I'll have to throw it up I consider if I'll have to confess it later. "If I eat this, is it gluttony?" It's not scrupulosity, which I think is another part of the college sins being redeemed, but it's responsibility.*
It's not taking the joy out of eating, it's taking the shame out of it.
And I'll be honest. This is about being healthy spiritually, physically, and emotionally but it's also about looking good. I want to look good. I think I deserve to look good. (Just in case I was getting a little too pious for you, I'll bring it back down a bit.)
So there it is. I'll probably be posting about this all from time to time and I hope you don't mind. But if you're in a similar situation maybe we can encourage one another along the way. What do you think?
*I updated the post with the line about scrupulosity after a comment below. It's an important point to make.
Also, I hope I don't sound glib about the binging and purging / eating disorder stuff. It was serious, it is serious, and while I've written about it before, that's not what this post was about. I needed to mention it but I didn't want to go into a lot of detail about it again. Not now.
Let's talk about moms' groups. Are you in one? Do you want to be?
As a new mom I needed people who were right where I was. All of us almost drowning together, white-knuckeling all the parenting decisions we knew were the best. Laid back older moms - they scared me, mostly because I didn't know how to do what they did and I felt like my failures were so obvious standing next to them. Now I want those women in my life, mentoring me and helping me. But I also just crave the fellowship of women and I don't mind your baggage, wounds, or burdens.
The only thing I need now is an understanding that no matter what we're actually doing there is a reachable goal that is living out the faith as the Church asks us to do. In other words, orthodoxy. And please note that I didn't say an "easy goal" but a "reachable" one. There's a big difference between those two and in that room is where we become saints. In that room is where I want to foster friendships.
A couple of months ago I was fortunate enough to spend the morning with the lovely ladies of Morning Star Ministry in Rockford, Illinois.
Guys, they are doing such a great job. Women are invited to spend one morning a month relaxing at a mini retreat. There's lovely decorations, wonderful refreshments, morning Mass, a chance for confession, music and worship, a speaker, prayer, chatting, free babysitting for those who need it. They've thought of everything. (And this coming December 10th they're hosting it in the evening so working moms can come, too. See! They're thinking everything through!)
I'm part of two moms' groups. One is at my former parish and I don't know if I'll ever give it up. It's a mix of older moms and younger moms. We bring food (and keep a stash at the church hall), eat, chat, pray, discuss a podcast or book chapter, and our kids eat, pray, and play too. It's amazing.
The other one is still pretty new to me. Moms from my new parish, and all of them parish-school moms at that, gather once a week, watch a bit of Women of Grace, and chat while our kids play all over the hostess' house or our laps. I love it. Recently we've been watching episodes where they talk about "the daily duty" which makes us all smile and chuckle a little because: poop jokes.
I think about moms' groups a lot. What should they look like, what should they do? Exclusive? Kids? Books? Wine? Also, how do we make sure that orthodoxy is understood without distancing those who are struggling with it? And how do we take care to build up the leaders while they build up the rest?
And then, on the most personal level: How will I fit in?
Take, for example, my new glasses.
I've been wearing a super old, not the right prescription pair for a few months because the kids broke my last pair. I've been wanting a pair of big, thick framed glasses since I was in middle school and loved Buddy Holly, but it wasn't until hipsters made them cool again + five more years that I finally did it.
The women in my new-parish moms' groups were the first to see me in them, besides Travis and the kids. Every time I had looked in the mirror I would tell myself, because I'm super lame and talk like it's still the '90's, "These are hipster glasses and you look like a poser."
The fear that I'm not good enough, the fear that those other moms will see me as totally lame, whatever, as if, the fear that fat Midwestern moms just shouldn't try for cute and hip made me worried to attend the next group. But instead, those other women smoothed my feathers, ruffled from worry, and spoke to my angsty heart. "Bonnie, you look so cute! I love your new glasses! They really suite you!"they said and I was so relieved.
It felt like they said, "I see you, Bonnie. I see what you're going for and I want you to know that you're there. I'm happy for you, friend." As silly as it may sound, that was when I felt like I finally did belong, like I was a part of them. From that point I have felt like I can go forward with them, becoming more who I am supposed to be while we all support one another in our vocations.
PS - I got my glasses for free from Firmoo. I really do love them and had a really great experience ordering them. The website is easy to use and the customer service was great. All I had to do was get a copy of my prescription from my eye doctor and the rest was easy peasy.
If you want a free pair of glasses you can get some, too, Check out their First Pair Free program!
PPS - If you're new here, stick around! You can follow A Knotted Life on Bloglovin' or Feedly.
Plus, I'd love to connect with you. You can find me on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook. I hope to "meet" you soon!
