Valentine's Day prep

We have Valentines to give to friends at our Tuesday morning mom group and to L and JF' classmates. JF' friends will get the ones with the mustaches, everyone else will get the ones with the bubbles. 

I do the cutting, hole punching, and other prep work and then let the kids glue.

It's not perfect, but I'm a firm believer that kids' projects should look like they were done by kids. And they should look that way because they were done by kids.

L looked at tons of pictures on Pinterest, but in the end she wanted to make a pretty basic mailbox, like the big blue ones in front of the post office.

She did all the taping and cutting and decorating with glitter glue and I supervised. She likes it and is proud of it. I'm proud of her and her creativity.

For our moms' group tomorrow I baked the cake below.

Valentine's Day seems like such a great day to talk about how God is Love and to discuss Jesus' Sacred Heart and Mary's Immaculate Heart. 

I'll be honest here, when I talk to the kids about how much God loves them they don't really seem to get it. It makes me sad; it makes me feel like I'm failing in my most important job. 

Hopefully though, silly cakes like this will just help me talk more about how much I love Jesus and Mary and how much they love me. Hopefully my kids will eventually love them too.

And, you know, it was fun baking and decorating it.

my good husband

We have been mostly sick in these parts. Coughing, sleeping, running to the bathroom, scrubbing puke out of the carpet.

Poor Resa puked all over poor JP. She then happily played and he cried.

Today we all slept until 8am and we're finally getting better. Still coughing but so much better.

Before Christmas I had a nasty 12 hour bug. In the middle of the night I dashed to the bathroom to vomit and saw that Travis had stationed himself on the hallway floor, blocking the kids from leaving their rooms so they couldn't climb into bed with me. As I rounded the corner I thought to myself, "That's the nicest thing he's ever done for me. He loves me so much."

Real love, guys, looks like your husband sleeping on the hallway floor while you're dry heaving in the bathroom. Really truly it is the most romantic thing in the world.

This is for you, babe. I love you.

I love & hate the cry room

Kendra at Catholic All Year has asked bloggers to share their opinion on cry rooms. She noted on her own blog that she'd like fill all cry rooms with cement and wondered how the rest of us felt. Here's my two cents on it all.

There is nothing that makes me more angry than someone telling me I should take my kids and sit in the cry room at Mass.

My not so charitable or mature self thinks things like,

"Oh, my adorable toddler's babbling / teething baby's fussing /curious child's questioning is distracting? Well so is that lady's cleavage, that man's cough, that person's oxygen tank, that teen's chewing gum, that woman's playing peek-a-boo with my kid, that dude's bad singing, and the way the priest says "L-oo-rDuh.". Are you gonna kick them outta church too? No? Then please leave me alone, get in your car with its pro-life bumper sticker, and remember that babies who aren't aborted babble, fuss, and question."

Usually though I just look offended and hurt, say "uh, okay," and go to my car and cry.

Often cry rooms are places where teens hide, toddlers run wild, uninterested adults chat, and people just don't give a damn. They also tend to be stuffy, uncomfortable rooms where parents are exiled to solely because they have kids who are not mute.

I strongly dislike cry rooms like that, and parishes like that. A parish - the priest and the people - that uses the cry room as mentioned above is not a parish I want to belong to.

At my parish, though, the cry room is a good place to go when the kids are getting a little too rowdy, the homily a little too long, or my nerves a little too frayed. About 1/3 of the time it's empty, 2/3 of the time it's got one or two families with a small, energetic child or two. It seems that the cry room, at least at my parish, is exactly what it's supposed to be.

With its large glass window I can still see the altar and better participate in the Mass than if I were in the lobby area, where the sound is piped in but I can barely see anything through the small, thin windows. There are still pews and kneelers and hymnals so it feels like we're still in the congregation and we should act like it.

This past Sunday was the first Mass Travis and I went to with all five of our kids, the 5, 3, 2, and 1 year olds and the newborn baby. As we pulled into the parking lot I said to Travis, "Let's keep expectations low and sit in the cry room." There I didn't have to worry as much about being 100% modest as I nursed my newborn (we're still figuring things out). There we could practice juggling the kids, passing them back and forth, keeping them quiet, changing poopy diapers, and so on. There we sat all by ourselves in a quiet room, doing our best to pray the Mass and keep our kids focused. There we didn't bother the rest of the congregation or have to fret about our fumbles.

So, Kendra, while there are many cry rooms I would like to brick up and close off, there are many that I'd like to keep open, like the one at St. Luke's.

saw it, liked it, thought I'd share it

This:

(But I don't really think Emma Stone is eating too many red velvet cupcakes.) 

Fairy Doors. Travis says I cannot do this to the tree in our backyard. Meanie.

I feel an obligation to make sure my daughter believes in fairies. I don't want her to believe in ghosts, monsters, and dragons because - quite frankly - satan is scary enough. But fairies, elves, mermaids and the rest - believing in them added such charm to my childhood.

Recently I said something to L about looking for fairies outside and she told me they only exist in the World of Imagination. Honestly, it felt like a parenting fail.

Cari's post on fatherhood as portrayed in the great zombie short Cargo.

Pretty much everything that is done at Mary Is My Homegirl. I love that tumblr.

This parody:

This Doctor Who t-shirt:

 (Travis: my birthday is July 25th. Take note.)

7 Quick Takes

1 - Heard this song on the radio and loved it. I think it was on the alt station but maybe it was the pop station? Dunno... but I could see this being a song that I hate by the end of the summer because the radio is always playing it.

2 - I need help in the following three areas. Anyone with some good advice please leave me a comment below and give me your suggestions!!!!

- Monitor screen time for my kids in a way they understand and seems fair to them, as in everyone gets to watch something they like and they're not bickering amongst themselves and complaining to me.

- Teach my kids to be empathetic / sympathetic. Related to this is apologizing because they mean it and not because they think they're about to get in trouble.

- Read to my kids at the end of the day. You know, the end of the day when I don't want anyone to touch me or talk to me and I'm just done but the kids want to sit on my lap and have me read to them.

3 - Sneak peek of the truffula trees I made for L's upcoming 5th birthday party.

4 - Recently I learned that JF can eat Oreos. Oreos! I always assumed there'd be dairy in them but there's not (which is really probably very wrong but I don't care because I found something else my super-allergic kid can eat!)

I've tried making a few dairy and egg free cookies at home but no one really cared for them. They were all ones I found on Pinterest that said things like, "These are SO good and good for you!" and then my family and I ate them and we were all like, "These are SO good only if the only sugar you ever eat is in fruit. We should go to the lake and feed these to the ducks."

It's nice to have a treat I can give my kid that's actually a treat.  Oreos!

5 - As I was putting the Oreos in my grocery cart I felt much guilt and thought, "What would Leanne and Cynthia think of me?" And then I thought, "Leanne and Cynthia won't judge. They won't judge." They're probably judging right now.

6 - Sarah at Fumbling Toward Grace has been running a series called "No More Mommy Wars" and it's been excellent. Various guest bloggers have covered a whole slew of topics including nursing, c-sections, and letting your baby cry it out. Sarah invited me to be a part of it and I discussed why we are not a co-sleeping family, why it just doesn't work for us. You can read it here, if you're interested.

7 - Today L is 5 years old. She is smart, caring, helpful, and beautiful. She is talented and creative and she impresses me every single day.

 Happy Birthday to my sweetie pie! I love you, kiddo!

a request for advice from experienced parents

Recently I've been wondering about 2 things, and I'd love to hear what other families have done to make their lives run more smoothly.  Please post a comment or direct me to an article / blog post that outlines what works for your family.  Thank you!

#1 Laundry:  How do you do it?  I can wash and dry, but folding and putting away seem to be my kryptonite.  How many loads a day are tackled?  How often do you wash towels and linens?  Do you incorporate your spouse and kids?  If so, how?

#2  Daily Schedule:  Is there a set flow for your days?  (Right now we get up whenever, watch some PBS Kids while breakfast is served and everyone gets dressed.  Morning nap for Ben usually happens, an errand is usually run or a friend is visited.  Then there's lunch, another nap for Ben and the rest is pretty smudgey until dinner and bedtime.)  I'd like to have some more structured time.  More specifically, I'd like to have set times for chores, reading, arts/crafts/flashcards (learning kinda stuff), and prayer that go along with our nap times and errands.  I have no idea what this should look like for a 2 yr old, and I want this to be fun and helpful - not stressful!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks again!

you rascally rabbit

For those of you who read the What to do about the Easter Bunny post, I thought I'd offer a follow up.

Dear, dear Easter Bunny... 

I did a little research into your past (like Em suggested - good idea, Em!) and discovered you most likely come from Germany and that back in the day your coming was more quiet, and definitely less commercial. 

In fact, what I read sounded a lot like what my Grandpa W shared about his memories of you, Easter Bunny.  He has the sweetest memories about being a boy and making a little nest in a corner of his house.  Every day of Easter, since Catholics celebrate Easter for a full week, he'd come home and find a single egg or sweet in the nest.  Grandpa encouraged me to not turn my back on you when I told him I didn't know what to do.

When asking my mom her opinion she told me about her Great Grandma D.  I guess my great-great grandma loved you just as much as my grandpa.  She even would swear that rabbit eggs were better than chicken eggs.  She so looked forward to the little treats you would leave for her.

Now, the fondness of my grandparents' memories was pretty convicting.

 But I noticed one HUGE difference between their Easters and the Easters of my childhood and today.  Grandpa and Great Great Grandma each received small gifts, treats, or tokens.  This is a  f a r  cry from the Easter baskets of today, which look a little more like the image on the right. 

Margaret pointed out on my post that it's the commercialism that threatens to overshadow the Resurrected Christ, and not you, EB.  I agree with her, but the thing is, that's all you do:  you bring baskets filled with sidewalk chalk, stuffed toys, bubbles, and lots of candy.  (I wonder what you bring older kids?  CD's?  itunes gift cards?  DVDs?  Video games?  hmmmm... I only have a 2 year old, so I'm not sure.)

It's not that I'm against the gifts or the baskets. 

But, just like Santa, I feel like you make kids excited not because you're a neat character they can believe in, like Ariel or Super Wy.  No, they're excited about you because you bring things.  Neat things.  Nice things.  Sweet things.  And in doing so you, the great bearer of baskets, become glorified.
I should know, that's why I was excited about you when I was a kid.  And I'll be honest, you overshadowed Jesus when I was a little kid.  Let me be abundantly clear, when I was a kid, Easter was primarily about you and the Paschal Mystery was a HUGE afterthought.  (don't feel bad, Mom.  You tried, I was just greedy.)

At school we would all talk about what the Easter Bunny brought us, comparing each other's baskets to see who had the best gifts and most sweets.  This just reinforced that Easter wasn't really about Easter, it was about the baskets and you, EB.

Now, some people seem to think that by not teaching my kids about you I will be ruining a part of their childhood.  Maybe there is a morsel of truth to that.  My hope, though, is that my husband and I will be able to create enough tradtions and fun on our own, centered around Holy Week and Easter, that they will be compensated. 

I feel like I should admit at this point that my children will still receive Easter baskets with goodies inside.  But these baskets will come from their parents and grandparents, not you.  Because, believe me, us normal folk will not become glorified.  It's been proven.  (okay, we will become glorified at Christ's second coming... but that's not what I'm talking about here!)

Really, this is nothing personal.  I don't think you, Easter Bunny, are a horrible bunny.  I don't think parents who invite you into their homes are horrible parents.

But I do feel that since no one told me how they keep Christ the joyful center of Easter while keeping you a supporting character, I am unaware of how to do that myself without asking you to completely bow out of the picture. 

Please know, this isn't about you.  This is about me.  It is a personal parenting choice, made by my husband and I. 

And really, for me it came down to two reasons:

First, commercialism and secularism.  I want my family's Easters to look very different from the Easters of my atheist, agnostic and nominally Christian friends.  Maybe that sounds snooty, but I think they should be different.  A real joy, rooted in a personal relationship with the Risen Lord, should be the focus of our Easter, not a celebration of nice things, like warm weather, longer days and procreating animals.

Second, I feel I will not do a good enough job of keeping Jesus the focus if I have you in the picture.  I want my kids to grow up loving the Holy Trinity, and I wholeheartedly believe that my vocation is to get my husband, kids and self to Heaven.  If not having you come to our home every Spring helps me make that happen, then that's what I'm going to have to do.  I hope you can support me in this choice, even if you don't agree with me.

Most sincerely,
Bonnie E.

Crying it out, Bedtime and Breastfeeding

So, here's the thing. Pretty much the only way that L can get to sleep is if I nurse her to sleep. This is a alright for the most part, except for the fact that it means I pretty much have to be around every night. It can also be hard because, truth be told, I don't really like breastfeeding.

Okay, breastfeeding - it's super easy, it's super quick, it's super good for mom and baby. It creates a bond, it soothes, studies show it makes kids healthier and smarter. Breastfeeding is pretty much an absolute GOOD. But it makes for a LOT of personal contact and often, by the end of the day, I am ready to not hold my daughter any more. It's not that I don't love her, or think she's absolutely wonderful and adorable, it's just that I want to not have to touch anyone.

So that's my little secret. As much of a breastfeeding activist that I am, I don't love doing it.

Because of all that, Travis and I recently decided to try getting L to sleep by being rocked or just held. But the new bedtime routine of dinner (cereal), bath, book and cuddle hasn't been working very well and in the end, after much fussing, I just end up nursing her anyways.

Last night, though, we decided to try "Crying it out." It was clear that she was tired when we put her in the crib but after 50 minutes she was still crying and I felt like a JERK. (We did the method where you go back and soothe without picking up after certain periods of time.) But in the end I picked her up, apologized for leaving her alone, asked for her forgiveness, let her snuggle into my chest and eventually nursed her to sleep.

I'm not quite sure if we're succeeding as parents in this area or failing, but I think it just depends on which camp you ask. I do know this, it will be awhile before we try "crying it out" again, if we ever do.

Any words of encouragement or advice?

What my job has taught me about parents and being thankful

In my job I spend just as much time working with potential students as I do with their parents and through this I have gotten many glimpses of what I do want to be like and what I most definitely do not want to be like.

For instance, the whole micro-managing of my child's life cannot happen. The kid then has a rebellious side and the parent is annoying as all get out. Of course the parent needs to be in charge but I much prefer my mom's take on it all. She trusted us until she had a reason not to trust us. (And please note that my brothers and I are all with outstanding significant others, never partied, have good jobs and are well respected.)

But then, folks, there's the other parents who I love working with. Usually their children are first generation college students. They want the absolute best for their kid and are willing to make sacrifices to help pay for their child's education. They do not complain about not having money and then drive the Lexus to the country club. They are kind, appreciative and fun.

For example, yesterday was our first days of enrollment for incoming freshmen. One girl, P, came with her mom. They were slightly overwhelmed but everything was taken care of and at the end of the day, while P was taking care of some other things, her mom came up to my office to say good-bye. She thanked me over and over and kept giving me hugs of appreciation. She told me repeatedly that I needed to stay in touch with her daughter after I left because I had meant so much to both of them. She said that when she comes to visit she will have P email me so I can bring the baby to campus and she can meet up with us.

I sincerely hope that I can be that grateful for and appreciative of the people who come into my life.